Are you expected to be attached to someone at all times in your 20's? Whether you're dating, hooking up, or in a serious relationship, SHOULD you be connected to another being? Is it still considered abnormal to be completely unattached, even without expectation or desire of wanting to receive the attention of another?
These are thoughts that recently came to mine because of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine about dating and entertaining the company of males. I broke up with my ex of almost 3 years, nearly 8 months ago. To me what seems like yesterday, appeared to be a long time to my friend. Apparently, so long, she asked, "Well, what about just having "friends?" My response, " Girl, I don't need no new friends; no new friends" (in my Drake voice of course). She looked at me with these, "Come on girl!" eyes, and commented " there's nothing wrong with just friends." I was so anti the friend notion at that moment, "I said heck naw! Its not necessary. I have all the friends I need right now. I don't want no new male in my presence. Don't want to smell them. i don;t even care for a compliment or a random smile." Despite my reaction, our conversation had me thinking afterwards.
Why do I need new friends? I have male cousins and close friends that I have good healthy relationships with. The only extra male interaction I want right now is in the form of a professional mentourshi. I have been in long term relationships all of my 20's and this is the longest I've been single, and I'm completely enjoying it. The idea of flirtation, dating games, special outings, impressive gifts, and male energy is nothing that intrigues me at all. I want to love on me; pick myself up when I don't feel my best. Take myself out or workout alone when I need to get my spirit up.
Every BEing and thing on this Earth holds energy; and when we our constantly in contact with someone or something, we exchange energy with it. I am spending time releasing energy I've held on from multiple people, places and things. Is that okay? My life is in limbo and majorly re-shifting and I only want those who love me and have been supportive to lend their energy to me.
At one point in reflection, I thought to myself, "Am I repressively being bitter?" and the answer is no. I take back the notion of completely not wanting any new friends, but its all conditional. Clearly, I haven't been closed off to new female energy because naturally, I want to connect with and build relationships with empowering women.I don't want to entertain any "special friends." You know, the one that says he doesn't want to be in a relationship but wants to go on dates to assuage his loneliness. The guy who "just wants to meet people." Why? Haha. Between my friends online dating and dating app experiences, I have second handed experience with the desperation out there. People want to have people around to cope with their fear and discomfort of loneliness, to stroke their ego's, or to have random, exciting, spontaneous sex. None of which interests me. Yet. it would be okay to be open literally to just platonic friends because that's natural. If I wouldn't ex-nay female energy, there's no need to be selective of male energy.
I just believe that people have the choice and power to remain still in who they are without having to be attached to anything that can turn into a love interest. Anyone coming out of major long term relationships, should really take time to themselves to re-emerge to the world; re-align with their joys and just BE! When you are so in love with and comfortable with yourself, there is no need to seek the companionship of another. One of the most pivotal first steps in learning to BE in my own skin, was the first time I went to the movies by myself. I would go to the movies, on walks, and to eat by myself during my last year of college. When I moved to New York, I went to concerts, museums and more....all by myself! To be alone and know that you are not lonely is powerful. I am surrounded by love, but the most important love I can experience is that which I give myself.
BE comfortable with the silent times. Explore who you really are. Explore the relationships and experiences that add to the complexity of your BEing. Stay focused on what you want, who you want to be, and what you want to give to this world. This world is not meant to be lived alone, but consider the intention, power, and source of everyone you allow to enter, stay, and exit your life. There's nothing wrong with new friends, but it's ok to discern what type of "friends" you want,
BE secure in you and who you want to be. Surrounding ourselves with others allows us to learn about ourselves because those who we give time in our lives, are the greatest mirrors to who we are.
BE Still. BE Love. BE Secured. BE You~
Written by: Tiffany W.