 Control. A fine concept that allows us to reflect strength and resilience, or helplessness and stagnancy. It's a concept that some will feel they understand perfectly and others not so much. one of the most interesting understandings of control, is that your sense of it is fluid. It can change depending on age, and life circumstance. In general from childhood to our teenage years we are very clear on our ability to control adults, peers, and what we want. The concept of no and rejection often seems foreign, and even if we receive such notice, our superhuman mentality looks right past it. So much so, most of us have inflated ego's into our 20's or until we have a major experience that forces us to look at control differently.
For so long, I felt I had everything down. I was a hard working, detailed oriented, extremely analytical and organized individual, who knew what I wanted, and never considered the possibility of not getting what i wanted. Such thought processes kept me busy and excelling as a scholar, and leader in my respective community. If you looked at my planner, it was laid out each day from waking up, to showers, to eating, to sleep time. I was dedicated to my life like clockwork, and I never considered how life would be different. I was always busy, and always stepping up to be in control, and take the lead in something. Then I had a close friend at the time say, "Tiffany, let go. stop trying to control everything in your life; do something off schedule. I can't believe you schedule your bubble baths. step out your routine." That conversation changed my life, and every since then I've been trying to find my balance. My sense of control made my sense of adulthood come really early, and by 22, I was somewhat burned out. I honestly wanted to experience life not being obsessed with controlling everything, and learn to just ease up. The result was not always what I expected because when you take "yourself" out of something, you learn to feel. You learn to be present. you learn to be mindful, and you really learn about yourself, the world, and people on a whole other level. When you experience the world with this sense of consciousness, and life throws you curve balls or you tend to make decisions that turn in to lessons, it can get easy to blame, guilt, and attack yourself. I can say 5 years later, I am back to where I started. To be resilient isn't to just keep going without feeling, or processing, but its to understand that yes, we do have SOME control over our lives; and whatever happens, we are not those events...those events are consequences of a series of actions...but they do not define us. One who commits a crime is not a criminal...they are a BEing that committed a crime. One who loses a job is not a failure, they merely lost an opportunity and can be opening of another. If you lose your home or spouse, it may be very difficult, but those losses do not define you. The difference in my understanding of control, is absolutely reflected in this quote. I allowed my attachment to the control of people, things and situations define who I was or was not. Life isn't always that simple,a nd when you become more mindful of "why" you do everything, its easy to over think, over judge, and over attribute. Know that you are multifasceted. You are powerful. There are aspects of life you will be able to impact and others that you have no control over. When you live thru purpose, vision, and love, manifestations of life don;t always reflect what you think they should in your mind. Set goals, plan, stay focused, stay consistent, and belive, but know that even with such systems...things happen, and that's ok. Sometimes you won't set goals, plan, stay focused, stay consistent or even believe, and g |
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