Hey Ladies! The timelines you have in your head about these "milestones" you must meet, are not real. I'd first like to bring to attention, the obsession with 30. You know what I'm talking about.
For starters, most of you want to be in your dream career, job, car, and/or living situation by 30. Yes, the idea of pure independence and social power as a woman definitely seems like the way to go. You possibly spend your 20s sacrificing your physical and mental health so you can satisfy your ego and obtain the "things" your heart desires. If you have all that, or are working on all that, that's wonderful for you. It's great to have goals to work towards. It keeps life fascinating. On the flipside, are you constantly comparing yourself to others if in fact you haven't acquired those "things" yet? Are you allowing those acquisitions define your value? Do you see yourself as less or more valuable without or with them, respectively?
Secondly, are you feeling the pressure to be a global citizen? According to MMGY Global, 6 in 10 millennials would rather spend money on experiences than on things. Translation, we travel a lot! With hundreds of travel blogs, social media accounts deddicated to deals and photo sharing, one could feel the "pressure" to travel. Well, one could also feel that they have to get all the adventure out of them now, right now, this very moment, especially before 30 when life "begins. " Give me a break. I get your YOLO mentality, and I understand you never know what the future holds, but if other generations could survive putting off travel, you won't go off the deep end if you waited.
Hmmm, what do we have next? Ahhhh good ol marriage. Now this right here...this is the whole reason behind this post. Elite Daily posted an article this week, sharing that a 29 year old woman who had been in a 2 year relationship committed suicide because her 30th birthday was days away and she was not married nor with children. Her goal: have a family by 30. May her soul rest in peace. This right here calls for major conversation. This story, plus that of women marrying themselves, just tugs on my heart.
Life is not defined by you obtaining a husband (or wife). You are more than a BEing waiting for a ring and ceremony. Yes, love enhances your life so much more. Yes, having a committed long term partner makes life a little sweeter, but life is so much more. Do you love yourself? Like, reeeeeaaaallly love yourself? Do you give to others? Do you pour love in others? Have you connected to and began walking in your purpose?
Marriage is an institution of security, moreso for the woman than man. A wife secures a man to bear children and obtain wealth. That's the history of it. Marriage until the late 19th century, has never really been about Love. Its been about security. The presence of motion pictures began to really idolicize notions of romance. Now today, partially thanks to companies like Disney and DeBeers, we are obsessed with romamce, rings, marriage (as an event more than a committment). Women in the US, used to get married in their teens because they had to. Now we have the power to choose because we don't need marriage for financial security. Dwell in that. For the most part, your life in 2015 is marked by a sense of freedom. You don't live in 1920. Which also means you can speak up and become more involved in the process.
This married by 30 business can lead to diminished esteem, depression, anxiety, and desperation. First off, anyone can GET married but it's not just about getting married...its about staying married. Learn who you are. Find your purpose. Live your happy. Fall in love with you and you'll attract what you want, I'm so sure of it.
There is no rule as to when you "should" get married. It's a mental and social construction. ITS NOT REAL! Come back to reality please. You're causing yourself unnecessary stress and pressure, and that is not healthy.
Ask yourself, do you a wedding or a lifetime of commitment with someone? Do you realize that marriage is not just about having someone forever? Are you the person you need to be, to even be married? Are you selfless? a good communicator? aware of your faults? actively working on healing past hurts and trauma? trusting? a committed person?
Hey woman, let that obsession go, whether you're 25 or 35. Live life and whatever you're searching for, will find you.
By: Tiffany W.
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