Recently, I was sitting down with a few ladies and a guy friend, and the topic of discussion came up to be "What's wrong with the men today?" Basically, why don't men (on average) court women, and why are they so quick to try to get some. Opinions were exchanged. Thoughts such as
There's several reasons I didn't give much feedback. For one, I'm not dating and haven't dated anyone new in 3 years, so I'm not really in the know of this matter. Secondly, I feel that these special group of men and angry dramatic female outtakes are irrelevant to my life and space. Let me explain. I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction. In addition, I am a self-aware being, on a constant journey of transformation and personal development, which I know the average person, let alone man in my age group, probably is not. Lastly, since my last relationship, I do everything stepping in the name of self love ( I hope you got that R.Kelly innuendo haha). What does all this mean?
Think about this, when you set expectations of what and who you want, do you represent that which you desire? Its the idea of "Look at the (wo)man in the mirror...if you want to make the world a better place, you gotta look at yourself and make a change"-Michael Jackson or even "BE the change you wish to see" -Ghandi. At any time in our lives, we attract beings who are similar in thought, values, or behaviors. "Something" attracted you to whomever you decided to give a chance, and I believe its this unknown spiritual connectivity that will happen, not just what you want. Not only that, but the golden rule " As a (wo)man thinketh, so is he"-the bible . We attract what we constantly think about; whether that's goodness or negativity in life. Even if you have a not so pleasant encounter with a man or woman, I say be thankful for a new lesson, instead of bashing them...because it just might lead to a continuous pattern of bashing, unless someone else fixed you up. Secondly, everyone is in a different place when it comes to personal development and transformation. The most "successful" people and greatest leaders of our world, read. They read a lot. Not only do they read, but they read for the purpose of becoming better at their crafts, at leadership, and being their best selves mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Its called a never ending journey of personal development and learning. I too focus on constantly improving myself; reading books, watching and listening to different motivational speakers, life philosophers, and spiritual leaders. For starters, its necessary to find where someone's mental, spiritual and emotional state is when you first meet them. If they are at a 3 and your at 7, you must be realistic and know they're whole being is going to be different than what you may desire. Be honest, and love yourself enough to be real. Lastly, if you love yourself, you know what love or a simulation of love will look like based on how you view, treat, and appreciate yourself and time. You are the best measure of how someone should treat you.
In dating, you must understand who you are. Don't expect someone to give you the world, moon and stars. A relationship isn't about what a person can do for you or give you, or even fill in what you think you lack. Those are bonuses. A relationship is about BEing in a state of love, compassion, spiritual connectivity and growth; this can truly match the qualification for any type of relationship. It's so important to understand 1) If the same outcomes repeatedly occur for you, revisit who you are and how you show up in the world 2)Everyone isn't in the same place as you, so if you meet someone in a different space, from a loving place, share with them how to learn a new perspective or connect to a channel of growth. pay forward your knowledge and awareness because someone somewhere payed it forward to you. Lastly, a huge undertaking of self awareness, is to know that anyone is the sum of their experiences, so be understanding. There may be a pattern of undesirable behaviors , but there's also a pattern of broken homes, media uplifting one night stands, and more women who don't care about courting. Anyone you meet, you must consider where they're from, their family structure, and even their past relationships. Take a look at yourself. We are human, which solely means to be imperfect. We are complex beings, and it goes to deeper than laying a blanketed generalization of frustration; no matter who it is.
Written By: Tiffany W.