Don't be so hard on yourself.
You say you feel broken,
But you did not break yourself.
It was your mother, your father, your family, the system, the lovers, the friends, the acquaintances.
The lies, abuse, neglect, and sickness.
You took the brokenness and pursued what you thought was life but only seemed to be mirrors of your wounds.
Don't worry you can be healed if you want.
You can choose to be more, live more, and love more.
Brokenness is a state of mind. Its a state of helplessness that you do not have subscribe to.
I know sometimes you wonder, what's wrong with me?
Am I good enough?
Am I beautiful enough?
Am I smart enough?
I know sometimes you feel hopeless.
You see others smile and hope that your smile can be as genuine as theirs one day;
You see others in love, and you hope you can have a love as beautiful as that one day.
You see other women radiate, and hope that you could have that much confidence one day.
Sometimes you wish the cause of your pain didn't happen, but that is not self love.
That is not acceptance.
You must choose to evolve.
Own your hurt.
Honor your wounds.
Work towards healing and welcome with an open spirit, change, growth and transformation.
See seasons rotate, and caterpillars turn into butterflies, snakes shed their skins, and the leaves turn colors.
Look at your teachers...the creatures and life around you.
Look at the ocean, the moon and the sun. They love like you. They live like you. They are essential to the circle of life. They are one with you.
The moon spends most of its monthly parts in pieces but what everyone remembers is her fullness.
Her wholeness shines bright and illuminates the last. Ever so often, her wholeness emits colors that the world is fascinated at and gathers to see.
You will change and one day youll feel whole and then go thru a process of evolution once again.
Despite your wounds, choose to love yourself through and through; as you do so, you teach those around you how to love you too.
You will see that the greatest love, is the love you have for yourself.
By: Tiffany W.
It's a funny thing when you start to really put yourself first...
I mean, when you intentionally set boundaries with people, walk away from relationships, offer up the word NO more often, be comfortable with doing what you want, and actually believing in some dreams you have...
The funny thing is that the people around you will respond: some people will admire you, others will respect you, and others will think you are being rude, selfish, standoffish or "Different".
Well I say,
How dare you tell someone you won't tolerate their disrespect...
How dare you tell someone you don't want to hear about the negativity they want to spew about their own or others' lives...
How dare you set boundaries with energy vampires and people who don't seem to appreciate you...
How dare you spend less time with people who don't add to your life or feel you have a mutually beneficial relationship with
How dare you be honest and say, no, without reason because you're an adult who reserves the right to choose what you do and when you want to do it
How dare you say no because you've learned that you are human and that rest and restoration are important to your physical, mental and emotional health...
I mean...how dare you begin to love yourself as much you do others...
This is the thing, it's ok to change. I want you to give yourself permission to do so. There's some unrealistic expectation that humans have about people never changing, and when they do, others get surprised. No matter what the change seems like, albeit negative or positive. Seasons change, weather change, and people change. Your body changes, your circumstances change, and how you navigate the world change.
The only thing constant is change, so embrace it, and if those around you don't, learn to be ok with it.
A new me on my new journey of self love years ago would have said, oh well who cares, but the reality is, we do care if the ones we love the most will embrace our transformations. We do have a hope that people will be happy and accepting of our new wings, but unfortunately this is not always the case.
As you come into yourself, you must realize that choosing to love on yourself does not make you selfish. It means that you are conscious of the fact that you are the center of your universe and without intentionally taking steps to stay aligned with your center, your world will be chaos.
It does not serve you to let people treat you ways that you don't want to be treated. You must not only learn and reflect upon what you NEED emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally to thrive, but you must hold others accountable to providing that.
It doesn't serve you to overcommit, run yourself into the ground, neglect your health, neglect your me time, and neglect self care. It is your role and responsibility to maintain peace and joy in your life. On this journey, as you come to realize how to do so, you will transform, you will have to choose you over others, and you know what? It's ok. Choose to BE Centered.
BE Unapologetically Centered,
Good words can open the heart, soothe the soul, heal a wound, ignite the mind, and excite your spirit. Here are some of my favorite quotes!
What are some of your favorite quotes? Respond below or share them with me via firstname.lastname@example.org. I'd love to post them in your honor!
By: Tiffany W.
Happy #selflovesunday BEautiful BEings! Its the day of spiritual revival and I myself and feeling renewed. Good things always happen to our souls on Sundays. Its the beginning of the week and I want to share something special with you.
Today I got the most empowering text from a good friend and sister like figure in my life. She said, "Have you been posting anything? the last post I could see is the Valentine's day one, I think something may be wrong with my browser. Let me know."
Do you know why that was empowering? Because I wanted to quit blogging. I knew I wasn't going to quit but I considered, what do I need to do differently to make an impact? I truly want to create content that the average gen y woman can relate to and to be honest when people don't comment, like, repost or even acknowledge what you do, it's easy to think, well maybe it's not good. It's good enough for me because it's my truth, but I have to consider as to whether it resonates with others...
That text let me know, that even if it's just 1 person, someone cares.
I'm going to have a truth moment with you:
I have been frozen for literally 1 week. No writing (until last night). Little feeling. Little exposure. Little interaction. I've confined myself to my room for the most part. Laying in bed, praying, meditating and watching movies I've seen 100 plus times. As I've felt emotionally dead, mentally I've driven myself insane 100 plus times.
Feelings of failure, despair, confusion, dissapointment, and dare I say doubt. About what? The path I'm on. See, from a place of faith and spirituality, I can see the future, but the present leaves me in total confusion sometimes. One thing I know for sure is that when you get a vision from God several times in your life, that vision is showing you whats possible. I believe divine sight, inspiration and vision is real. Whatever God shows you, will always take place. I've seen my life. I've seen the impact, the joy, the love, the abundance, the family, the philanthropy, and the legacy.
The problem with having such clarity while being a typical millennial and someone with depression, is that I become an enemy of time. With visions and goals there comes action. With action, there's not only expected outcomes, but expected outcomes on my timeline. Certain times of the year falling on my face is no problem, I get that happens in life. Other times, the times in which I'm most prone to experiencing a depressive episode, my failed Great Expectations become a problem.
The reality that I know: Life is NEVER as bad as it SEEMS. If you can find gratitude in having shelter, food, health, clothing and love, you're doing better than about 2/3rds of the world. In the end, the world never really knows what might have been done (in light of failure) they just remember you're impact (whether negative or positive). The reality that my well self knows: I am enough.
Well reality has almost nothing to do with the mind of someone in a depressive state. A different darker dimmer reality exists. It's the one that says, " What I'm doing isn't working. I don't matter. No one pays attention to me. I want to give up." (If you believe "depression is a choice" or don't really understand it, I suggest you visit http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml).
I fall victim to my own great expectations. No matter what I do or what I say, the judge in me can easily choose to nullify everything; every step, every effort and every piece of "success."
The truth is that true acceptance and perfect self love is hard for anyone. That's why its a journey of fascination for me. Not just on a personal level, but on a psychological level. In fields like Positive Psychology and Personality Psychology, looking at all measures of self concept are the most compelling stories of human behavior. Self acceptance is hard for anyone, but especially those with the most critical, heart and mind.
Naturally, I'm critical and I overthink, but when you take account of my brain chemistry at times (the depression) I become anxious. I become obsessed. I become inundated with thoughts that counter what I KNOW to be my true being. My advantage: I'm extremely cognizant of the mental and at times spiritual battle going on inside of me, which is why I know what I need to do to recalibrate my internal state.
There is beauty in learning about yourself. There is beauty in accepting your own journey, your own truths, your own limited limitations, and the possibilities that exists. There is beauty in timing. There is beauty in special relationships. There is beauty in darkness. There is beauty in life.
Sometimes life gets hard and overwhelming but we must just pray and surrender, and continue to love on ourselves.
No matter what, I still chose to love on myself (even though my mind didn't connect to it) I worked out, prayed, meditated, burned my incense/sage, watched what would make me laugh, listened to my sermons and read uplifting messages.
I knew I'd come around. ..eventually. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing . I'm glad to say I'm back.
Do you have a story of triumph? Would you like to share something from your own self love journey. I and the world want you to share your story. Please email email@example.com if you want to be featured as a guest blogger.
By: Tiffany W.
Who doesn't love Fridays! It's the day that most people get relinquish a little responsibility and just BE! You may take some time to think about the week and usually say, Dang Its been a Hell of A Week! Well what if you took the same approach to life and reflecting on past decisions? Because even though the week has been hell, you're not harboring shame, anger or guilt from it...
Well like you love Fridays, I love moments that lead to reflection and growth! Whenever I'm deep in the presence of an epiphany or realization, I say, " Oh yes. The shift is real." Growth is all about the shifts that happen throughout life. A shift in understanding, leads to a shift in perspective, which often times (if you're focused on transformation) leads to a shift in behavior patterns.
When the shift is real, it feels oh so good. But would you like to know the sacrifice that must come before a shift?
Releasing self judgment of any decision or action as a mistake or bad. Now, that's not an exit for one to escape the law of self accountability because if you caused physical, emotional, or mental damge to a person or situation then you need to take responsibility for that and realize there were some more appropriate choices that could have been made, but it's not mistake. In truth, you did what you did because you wanted to do it. Regardless if you ignored your center when it told you to stop, walk away or you shouldn't be doing this. The execution of a decision or behavior taught you something about yourself, taught someone else something about you, and added to the overall colorful story of the human experience.
What we deem as mistakes are really paths to transformation. We all need a reason to transform, and often times its our dishonorable patterns that leads us to those changes. I often say, its at the point, when a women realizes how she dishonor her body and spirit that she begins to explore a path of mindfulness. After too many unhealthy relationships do women realize they need to reassess why they go after or attract the mates they do. Its after issues with eating disorders, physical health, not taking pictures due to Shame, or hearing how negative their self talk is about their bodies that women realize they need to improve their relationship with their bodies.
One of my favorite quotes from Elizabeth Gilbert, writer of Eat, Pray, Love is, " Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. " Above all, it's absolutely true. First Commandment of Self Love is Honor Thyself, and that is a commitment to accepting all the decisions you've made in your life. Let them lead you to a beautiful freedom or going higher in your BEing; becoming stronger and wiser.
Upon intitial reflection, it's easy to say that certain decisions we frown upon our mistakes, but the more time you take to think about them, the more you realize what you've learned and how they really did open your eyes to understanding the world much different. Who you were when you made those decisions is not who you have to be when you're reflecting on them. You choose what you want to be while embracing all that you are and have been because it's all one.
By: Tiffany W.
Can you believe this is the last Monday of 2014???? Wow. It's unbelievable that the older you get, the faster time seems to pass. I'm starting to think that may be because we begin to put limits on time itself. Its as if we create time within time. As a child, we play, we eat, we sleep and we wonder. We don't say, ok, I can play for 20 minutes each day until x. No. Often times we exceeded our play time and were firmly reminded by parents that play time is up.
This moment and each moment we receive are truly all we have. Yes we can plan, but all we really have is right now. Let the knowing of the now and it's infinite possibilities leading to every moment be reason enough for excitement!
Do you believe in what you've been committed to doing in your life? Your job, your career, your passion, your family, etc. When there is passion and faith in your life, your excitement is evident, even in the smallest task.
You may not know exactly how the future will unfold, but you can have excitement for the direction that you are heading in. Every obstacle is leading you to a greater you because each one is making you stronger.
Every opportunity that looks like a no, is creating a path for a greater future because you are 1 step closer to a purposeful opportunity. Every severed relationship is teaching you the power of people, purpose and change. Every success shows you the possibility. It all comes together and taking a step back, can definitely help put life into perspective especially if you're not "feeling" like being present to the possibilities.
Often times what we believe can trump what we feel and in certain aspects of life this can be beneficial; let this time of reflection and preparation for the new year, be that time.
I wish you well in these last days of 2014 and pray that you will receive all the strength, love, hope, health, wisdom and encouragement you need to take you into 2015!
Let's live this life as best as we can!
By: Tiffany Wright
Today young spirit bird, Willow Smith, released a song entitled 8. The song, title making reference to her numerology Life Path number, explores the importance of identity, security and confidence. It's a rather interesting topic to be sung by a 13 year old because most teens and even those "adults" up to their mid-twenties are more concerned with abiding by societal expectations rather than living as individuals.
When most songs nowadays are talking about bottles, twerkin, poppin, flippin, partying and living a careless yet "wealth inflated" lives, she's singing about one thinking twice before creating images on social media that are not indicative of your true lives; letting go of obsessions over materials things and learning the importance of understanding the truths of life.
I find the song to be potentially transformational for many. Whereas most entertainers feed the idea of projecting false images, this will hopefully plant a seed of enlightenment for those who listen to the song and grow to love it. A mental renewal is so necessary in our society. People are spending money to create images of themselves that do not exists. Women and men alike are investing in cosmetic surgery to satisfy ideas of perfection, when in actuality no matter how high or low your confidence is, your spirit is dead and you will continue to live a life of dissatisfaction.
Living your life for the mere attention of or pleasure of others leads to a lonely life. People will be attached to an image of you that does not exists, and this can in turn truly cause loneliness because you will get to a point of frustration when you cannot be yourself. Living a life to strive for perfection for the mere satisfaction of others is the antithesis of self love. Enjoy life. It's okay to love fashion, music, and the YOLO mentality, but the only truth that matters is that, which is reflected in your mind during silent times, when no is around; when silence forces you to reflect and answer to yourself.
True happiness and satisfaction starts with you; loving you and knowing you. Whether on social media or in real life, when you find yourself having second thoughts about just being authentic, ignore it. Just BE You. At the end of the day, there's power in who you are.
Written by: Tiffany W.