It's a funny thing when you start to really put yourself first...
I mean, when you intentionally set boundaries with people, walk away from relationships, offer up the word NO more often, be comfortable with doing what you want, and actually believing in some dreams you have...
The funny thing is that the people around you will respond: some people will admire you, others will respect you, and others will think you are being rude, selfish, standoffish or "Different".
Well I say,
How dare you tell someone you won't tolerate their disrespect...
How dare you tell someone you don't want to hear about the negativity they want to spew about their own or others' lives...
How dare you set boundaries with energy vampires and people who don't seem to appreciate you...
How dare you spend less time with people who don't add to your life or feel you have a mutually beneficial relationship with
How dare you be honest and say, no, without reason because you're an adult who reserves the right to choose what you do and when you want to do it
How dare you say no because you've learned that you are human and that rest and restoration are important to your physical, mental and emotional health...
I mean...how dare you begin to love yourself as much you do others...
This is the thing, it's ok to change. I want you to give yourself permission to do so. There's some unrealistic expectation that humans have about people never changing, and when they do, others get surprised. No matter what the change seems like, albeit negative or positive. Seasons change, weather change, and people change. Your body changes, your circumstances change, and how you navigate the world change.
The only thing constant is change, so embrace it, and if those around you don't, learn to be ok with it.
A new me on my new journey of self love years ago would have said, oh well who cares, but the reality is, we do care if the ones we love the most will embrace our transformations. We do have a hope that people will be happy and accepting of our new wings, but unfortunately this is not always the case.
As you come into yourself, you must realize that choosing to love on yourself does not make you selfish. It means that you are conscious of the fact that you are the center of your universe and without intentionally taking steps to stay aligned with your center, your world will be chaos.
It does not serve you to let people treat you ways that you don't want to be treated. You must not only learn and reflect upon what you NEED emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally to thrive, but you must hold others accountable to providing that.
It doesn't serve you to overcommit, run yourself into the ground, neglect your health, neglect your me time, and neglect self care. It is your role and responsibility to maintain peace and joy in your life. On this journey, as you come to realize how to do so, you will transform, you will have to choose you over others, and you know what? It's ok. Choose to BE Centered.
BE Unapologetically Centered,
In todays world, we are not short of expressed opinions and how to's when it comes to love and relationships. I'm quite sure the mothers and fathers of psychology would have never imagined that pop psychology would be a thing of the future in which individuals would be giving out advice left and right.
In my time of exploring what love and self love means, I always come back to the above definition. A definition that isn't necessarily singular because love cannot really be limited to one sentence as most words are. Even the great Greek philosophers had several categories of love ( brotherly, sexual passion, friendship, affection like those between parent and child).
The above explanation isn't even a definition, its an explanation of how it looks and how it feels. This is applicable for yourself and for others You may notice, that it is actual a scripture from the Holy Bible. Across spirit walks, love is similarly described as being inclusive of the above mentions . When you step back and consider what a healthy love looks like, it includes the above. When you consider the 5 Commandments of Self Love ( Honor Thyself, Honor thy Mind, Honor thy Body, Honor thy Spirit, and Forgiveness) they all support the above.
My challenge to you is to evaluate how you express love to yourself and others. Evaluate how those who say they love you express their love to you. It's easy to get wrapped up in the words, "I love you," but not really take into to consideration what that means or what that looks like. When you can be honest with yourself you can then make the proper adjustments. Maybe you have to work on patience or not holding grudges. Maybe someone around you throws wrongdoings in your face or downplays your dreams. Again, through reflection, you can make proper adjustments. Maybe those adjustments are working on yourself and apologizing to those who you could love differently. Maybe its removing or stepping back from some people in your life.
You're not obligated to remain the same or keep the same relationships in your life. Your self love journey is about honoring yourself but also considering all the ways you can honor yourself better and reflect that in the relationships around you.
We are all perfectly imperfect, but there is extreme gratifying power and freedom in owning who you are. Take yourself as you are, allowing your insight and actions to line up, and those who matter most will accept you for who you are and who you're striving to be.
Are you patient with yourself? Are you kind to yourself? Do constantly judge yourself based on your errors? Have you forgiven yourself for events or occurrences you've felt guilty of? Do you compare yourself to others? Do you honor the truth about yourself? Do you give up on yourself?
If you answered yes to any of the above, it looks like you have some more work to do BEautiful BEing! I know I sure do! It's a new month, a new week, and a new day to continue moving forward and step into the beauty of the possibilities.
By: Tiffany W.
Far too often women tear eachother. Whether in silence, in private or to our girlfriends, why must women be so catty??
Why is she wearing that?
What does she have on?
I can't take her man
He'd be happier with me, anyway
Oh she hasn't seen nothing yet
Who does she think she is!
She's too skinny
She's too big
She's to muscular and manly
She's a hoe/slut/thot/whore/Bitch...etc.
She slept her way to success
I can do better than her...
You get the point right?
Truth Moment: Every woman has a story. We all have something (s) that others can point fingers at and judge us about...but that doesn't improve anyone's life in the long run!
The special caveat about self love and love in general is, its incomplete if you can't share it with others. Learn what it means to a reflect a sense of pride, esteem and love upon other people. Learning to accept, support and empower others, but especially women is so important.
Just think how you'd feel with no encouragement?
No one wants to feel alone. No one wants to feel belittled. No one wants to be stabbed in the back or ridiculed.
Its ok to be inspired by other women, but there's never a need to compete. There's enough men, money, other women if thats what you prefer, clothes, style, air and opportunities for us to all share.
In honor of Women's History Month I ask that you go out of your way to empower another woman. Whether by compliment, business support, cross promotion, making amends or even liking/reposting a positive post, support another woman. We can get so much farther when we uplift one another.
If you don't know what to say, then feel free to repost this. Maybe it will inspire some women to be a little more positive and uplifting this month.
By: Tiffany W.
Hey Ladies! The timelines you have in your head about these "milestones" you must meet, are not real. I'd first like to bring to attention, the obsession with 30. You know what I'm talking about.
For starters, most of you want to be in your dream career, job, car, and/or living situation by 30. Yes, the idea of pure independence and social power as a woman definitely seems like the way to go. You possibly spend your 20s sacrificing your physical and mental health so you can satisfy your ego and obtain the "things" your heart desires. If you have all that, or are working on all that, that's wonderful for you. It's great to have goals to work towards. It keeps life fascinating. On the flipside, are you constantly comparing yourself to others if in fact you haven't acquired those "things" yet? Are you allowing those acquisitions define your value? Do you see yourself as less or more valuable without or with them, respectively?
Secondly, are you feeling the pressure to be a global citizen? According to MMGY Global, 6 in 10 millennials would rather spend money on experiences than on things. Translation, we travel a lot! With hundreds of travel blogs, social media accounts deddicated to deals and photo sharing, one could feel the "pressure" to travel. Well, one could also feel that they have to get all the adventure out of them now, right now, this very moment, especially before 30 when life "begins. " Give me a break. I get your YOLO mentality, and I understand you never know what the future holds, but if other generations could survive putting off travel, you won't go off the deep end if you waited.
Hmmm, what do we have next? Ahhhh good ol marriage. Now this right here...this is the whole reason behind this post. Elite Daily posted an article this week, sharing that a 29 year old woman who had been in a 2 year relationship committed suicide because her 30th birthday was days away and she was not married nor with children. Her goal: have a family by 30. May her soul rest in peace. This right here calls for major conversation. This story, plus that of women marrying themselves, just tugs on my heart.
Life is not defined by you obtaining a husband (or wife). You are more than a BEing waiting for a ring and ceremony. Yes, love enhances your life so much more. Yes, having a committed long term partner makes life a little sweeter, but life is so much more. Do you love yourself? Like, reeeeeaaaallly love yourself? Do you give to others? Do you pour love in others? Have you connected to and began walking in your purpose?
Marriage is an institution of security, moreso for the woman than man. A wife secures a man to bear children and obtain wealth. That's the history of it. Marriage until the late 19th century, has never really been about Love. Its been about security. The presence of motion pictures began to really idolicize notions of romance. Now today, partially thanks to companies like Disney and DeBeers, we are obsessed with romamce, rings, marriage (as an event more than a committment). Women in the US, used to get married in their teens because they had to. Now we have the power to choose because we don't need marriage for financial security. Dwell in that. For the most part, your life in 2015 is marked by a sense of freedom. You don't live in 1920. Which also means you can speak up and become more involved in the process.
This married by 30 business can lead to diminished esteem, depression, anxiety, and desperation. First off, anyone can GET married but it's not just about getting married...its about staying married. Learn who you are. Find your purpose. Live your happy. Fall in love with you and you'll attract what you want, I'm so sure of it.
There is no rule as to when you "should" get married. It's a mental and social construction. ITS NOT REAL! Come back to reality please. You're causing yourself unnecessary stress and pressure, and that is not healthy.
Ask yourself, do you a wedding or a lifetime of commitment with someone? Do you realize that marriage is not just about having someone forever? Are you the person you need to be, to even be married? Are you selfless? a good communicator? aware of your faults? actively working on healing past hurts and trauma? trusting? a committed person?
Hey woman, let that obsession go, whether you're 25 or 35. Live life and whatever you're searching for, will find you.
By: Tiffany W.
**View Article referenced in post
Oh yes to a New Year! Hopefully in your reflections you've let go of limiting beliefs, behaviors, and even people that do not serve you anymore and our entering into a new space in 2015!
Today I want to talk about the power of friendships or mutually beneficial emotional and mentally supportive relationships :)
First off we know that not all of our "friendships" are mutually supportive relationships. Some people just needs us to listen to them go out with them, affirm them or give them something. Likewise, we may have others in our life that we call friends, for the same purpose; but if you don't give and get, is it really consider a friendship?
For some reason the older we get, the more difficult it is for women to create authentic relationships. Let's think about this. A man can meet another guy, start hanging out, and slowly over time become more open and trusting and boom, they have a new friend, bro, or homie... but its not so easy for us. Haha.
Women (on average) tend be a little more emotional, comparative, and complicated.
Which is why when we do have these authentic, genuine, and mutually beneficial relationships, we must pay attention to why they are so valuable. I'm blessed to have had 3 stable sister friends for nearly 15 years (2/3 in the photo above). The nature of my relationship is different with each of them but I know that I genuinely love and care for them and they do the same. We may not even see eye to eye but I can say I've never had a major argument with any of them. Maybe disagreement that caused a little space, but no back stabbing, physical altercation or even words of disrespect. I've had many friends come and go, as any 20 something who's social may have, but these women have been staples in my life. It is one thing I'm extremely grateful for, authentic relationships that can stand the test of time.
Now of course because of timing and life transitions, we experience the pleasure of having different authentic relationships with others at specific stages. We meet great women in so many different places; maybe college, at work, the city we live in, in fitness settings, or places of worship, but once circumstances changed that setting, so did the nature of those relationships.
Relationships expire because of time, location, career and maybe even the change of a mutual friendship. They also expire because of our own personal growth.
Consider the direction you see yourself going in mentally, spiritually, physically or even financially. Do you have friendships or close relationships that will nurture what you need? Are you being the friend, mentor, or support system you want from others?
Having amazing friendships, especially as a woman, is really important. With the stresses and pressures of the world, its always good to have someone in your corner; someone that pushes and reflects you. Likewise, it feels great to be that for someone else. When you fill yourself up with love, its required that you pour that out into others.
Yes affirmation and recognition from a good sister friend can be powerful when we need it most. The times when you don't feel that you look or are being your best; after a breakup or the ending to a potential romantic relationship; when you're too afraid to go after that job, business idea, or opportunity that's been tugging at your heart.
BE A Great Friend! Find a great friend. Hold on to a great friend!
May your relationships and spirits flourish beyond 2015! :)
By: Tiffany W.
Women begin dreaming about their big day as little girls. Planning extravagance and preparing for one of the most special days of their life.
There are approximately 2.5 million weddings a year. Everyday someone gets married. The wedding industry is a 30 billion dollar industry.
In the US we are used to witnessing the announcements of celebrities nuptials. This was no different when this weekend, pictures of the style icon, DJ, and artist, Solange Knowles emerged. Something was a bit different though...people went crazy over the pics, in an awe-inspiring way.
The photos were symbolic of so much, but in an effortless manner, Solange was the embodiment of beauty and the value of simplicity. There was no large wedding, over the top location or dress. Everything was simple. She wore a beautiful customized pants jump suit with a cape. All of her wedding party wore simple white dresses of their choosing. Her and her husband departed the scene on two white bikes. Simple.
The classic simplicity is what really has people buzzing about the event, but even more so, it’s a reminder, you don’t always need “more”, “bigger” or “better.”
It’s in the pursuit of appeasing our ego that we often lose sight of what values and people in life matter most. Applying matters of simplicity to all areas of life can contribute to balance.
Pressure is great. Wanting more, keeps you moving and growing. Desiring to obtain as much as you can get is proof that abundance is always available. Yet in all those desires and environments that may exists, they don’t make up for the intangibles like emptiness, loneliness, love, joy, and health.
Anyone that follows Solange, knows she's an earthy, simple, and au naturale woman. She is truly an ambassador of self love because she often talks about people learning to become comfortable in their own skin, embracing their individuality, and living a life of passion. Values that are simple and lead to so much gratitude.
So next time, when you feel discontent, truly consider your blessings. Take time to consider the difference between things you really want vs. need. When it comes to bigger, better, or more, could you be simple and still be satisfied? Consider, what would really make you joyful? Not artificially happy, but joyful from your core.
Written by: Tiffany Wright
Dear Ladies in Your 20's,
I know you are dealing with so much on your plates, and sometimes you really wonder about what your future will be and if you will ever have the family or life you really want. Many of you are having major identity crisis. You don't know whether to rely on your millennial focused magazine to tell you about the hottest trends, how to get abs in 7 days, what low calorie snacks to eat, and how to be sexier; or to believe everything you see about all the seemingly happy friends, associates, whatever folks and celebrities on blogs and social media. You have to deal with the complexities of dating because of social media, dating apps and the gazillion dating websites interrupting our natural flow of meeting others. If you live in a big city, it either seems that the good ones are taken, you can't find them, or you realize you're so broken, all you do is attract other broken partners. Even though you know this isn't the 40's and you don't have to have a life centered around family, sometimes the friends, outings, travel, and Ms. Independent lifestyle leave you kind of longing for simpler times.
Most of you imagine by 21 that you would be married by 30. Some of you reading this, may already be married. If not, you sometimes realize that you are knocking at 30's door, and you're feeling like, "what if it never happens for me." The summer just ended and I'm sure you had to see at least 1 new engagement, wedding, pregnancy announcement, or birth per month if not week. I know you felt happy, but sometimes envious because you thought, when is my special someone going to be here?
Guess what, it's ok, the world is not over, and 30 is still young and tender compared to the normal life expectancy rate nowadays. If your not putting the pressure on yourself, then I'm sure you are starting to get the questions from your older family members about when you're getting married and popping out babies. Before you get irritated or offended by them questioning you, quietly analyze all the marriages in your family; that'll make you feel better. Hey guess what, it's ok.
Please release and ignore pressure to get married
B. As soon as you finish your education
C. By 30
There's no need to rob yourself of appreciating the present because of your obsession with the future. Do you think its better to be in a state of desperation and make such life altering decisions? or to be secured in life, and welcoming that flow of transition in to your life?
Let me have some truth moments with you.
Take necessary time to learn and love your self. Don't fret about those around you starting families. Everyone's journey is different. Ask anyone older than you. Refer to a Development Psychology book. Your 20's is truly a time of exploration. You are learning about yourself, and starting to see the world from a new perspective. By your late 20's you are either really starting to transition in your career, or repairing the damage done in your early 20's. Because the US has such a high number of College educated women, more than likely you are in, just finished, or may be thinking about pursuing higher education. Have you been able to travel yet? Are you comfortable going out alone? Do you feel empty without a partner? Have you worked on healing wounds most likely caused by your parents, closest friends and past lovers? Guess what, you have some work to do.
See the tradition has been that overly-eager, dress-ring-lifestyle obsessed, "I-want-to-have-the-family-I never-had," "we've-been-together-so-long-it's time", "I-believe-in-tradition" younger women get married to "men" who kind of have a clue about life. These men and these women, live, love and learn for so long, then they often get to a point in which they are unhappy, unfulfilled, in need of extra stimulation, and in search for something more. They begin to search for what they should have been searching for while single in their 20's but they handed it over for an ideal that seem all to ideal. They often become broken unhappy and undeveloped parents who don't properly nurture their children who grow up to be broken, insecure, and undeveloped adults, looking for love to cure their life. Then we have another generation of high divorce rates and unhappy people.
Truth be told, anyone can get married, but not everyone stays married. Most couples who get married in their 20's are divorced by 45 merely because of internal transformations. They change, and 50% of them get divorced. The other half, stay together, but not always happily.
Guess what lady, we are more than that. It's 2014 and more than ever, a culture of mindfulness, wellness, and optimal living is around us. Take advantage of that and become a woman of higher mind, body and spirit, so that by the time you do have an opportunity to wed, you will be a Whole BEing connecting with another Whole BEing.
This is not to say marriage is not good, nor that people who do get married in their 20's will definitely break up, but I just want you to know that you are ok. You are not losing out on life because you are not married. Right now you have 100% of you and when you get married, you will have to give 50% of that up. Fall in love with yourself and life and all things will come accordingly. If in actuality you are ready, be the person you want to attract. think carefully about the enriching qualities your partner will have. Live a life full of light.
A Realistic Romantic Millennial
One of the most beautiful realizations in life, is that you don't have to live it alone. If you have an open mind and open heart, you GET to willfully allow others in your world and share life with other BEautiful BEings, whether they are family, friends, or lovers. Of course the reality is that humans are imperfect, and we will all experience our share of disappointment and wrongdoings imparted on us by others, but that is a part of life. Sometimes people use this reality as a reason to not be around people or make connections with others. I know holidays can go three ways for most people. There is excitement because you can spend the day(s) with some of your favorite people; there is slight solemn because you feel like you have no one, and will be alone; or there is stillness because you've decided it's a day off, and you choose to be to yourself, relax, catch up on movies, shows or reading.
Well today, I charge you to do something, that connects you with others. Regardless if you want to stay in, or if you feel alone, there are billions of people out here, spreading good love and energy. You yourself can spread good love and energy, and enhance this human experience. No matter what, we are all connected, and when we put ourselves in a position to laugh with, enjoy the company of, or encourage one another,it's a beautiful experience. Healthy human connection and interaction also enhances our lives! We are not meant to be lone creatures, and on holidays, there are people all around you who want to experience that joy, fun and laughter!
Think of at least one time when you were around one person or a group of people, and it just felt so fun! Your spirit was at ease, your energy was high, and your soul felt like it expanded! That is a BEautiful feeling! You may not remember everything about that day, but you definitely remember moments and how you felt because BEautiful experiences (and even not-so-beautiful experiences) leave those types of marks on us! Go ahead! Go out, have fun. Meet someone new. Give someone a compliment. Go laugh and spread your BEautiful spirit. We all need a little sample of it!
Written by: Tiffany W.
Heartbreaks are wack, but they happen and can fuel amazing growth and transformation in life. Dissapointment arises when you live in expectation, but peace can be present when you live from a place of openness and acceptance. This is not to say you have no standards, or you're not allowed to feel pain or hurt,
but how you survive or thrive in that post heartbreak time is determined by which space you operate out of; judgment or acceptance. As I often acknowledge, pieces of advice like this are definitely easier said than done, but its a sure enough process that you can go thru to help you heal.
Here are some tips I've found helpful:
1. Don't be angry
For whatever reason, you dodged a bullitt, and you are blessed to be separated with someone not aligned with you at the time. It's all about perspective. We are not all the same, so it's unfair to assume that others will always feel how we feel, think how we think, and act how we act. Try to accept the Heartbreaker's decision/ train of thought, and be mindful of what you will do differently in the future.
2. Hindsight is 20/20
Reframe from thoughts of regret. This can be a tough one. BELIEVE ME, I KNOW. Been there, done that, umm check please? We are the sum lf our actions and experiences, even the one 's diverged. Take the good of the sitiation with you in the future, and look at any possible lessons
3. Don't blast your business on social media
The easiest thing to do, is take advantage of social media and go on a venting rant. Don't be a she-woman manhater. If you want to write, get a journal or create a blank word document on your phone or computer. Unless your rallying up positive upliftment, or offering major epiphanies for others to connect to, keep it to yourself. It's necer necessary to defame anyone's character no matter what they do.
4. Allow yourself to feel
There are some people who feel everything, and because of some situations, can easily get caught in a downward spiral of blame, sadness, pity, regret, and depression. Others, may have a get-that-dirt-off your shoulders, nonchalant attitude and can move on from anything as if nothing happened. The goal is to allow yourself to be somewhere in between. Feel, reflect, and then move on. We are all human, and it's ok to feel hurt and pain from disappointing situations, but always remember the pain will only last as long as you give power to it. When you're ready to stand up, smile , and keep fiercely strutting, only then, will you begin healing.
5. Live Life.
It's easy to sit in, stay sad, eat everything in sight (or completely nothing if you're one of those types) because of such an event. But BEautiful, you're going to have to put effort in igniting your joy. Exercise, dancing, listening to uplifting music and watching comedies work for me, find what works for you. BE around loved ones, go explore your city; BE bold and take yourself on a date. Read a new book. Just make sure to keep going; not as a means to distract yourself, but as an act of self love, and knowing you deserve to keep living no matter what.
Everyone deals with life differently, but like I said, just deal with it. Choosing to deal with it, also means to reflect and grow, and that's the most important thing you can do. Secondly it's about finding the healthy place of taking responsibility vs. not blaming yourself. We don't ask for terrible things to happen, but consider if at any moment you saw signs? you ignored your intuition? you stayed longer than you needed to? you based your relationship on hope and potential vs. reality? you didn't feel like you could have anyone else? and maybe none of these come up, and you and your partner just wasn't working out anymore. No problem. Make sure to reflect and grow .
If you're not going through recent or prolonged heartbreak, make sure to that you be there for someone who is. Regardless if they don't want to talk to you, sometimes just knowing that someone is willing to comfort you, reminds you that you are loved and are special.
The best way to heal hurt, is with love. When someone is fueled or driven by love, their sense of joy radiates on high, and when joy is present, there is light in the world. BE love and give love. No one knows how you truly can be affected by heartbreak, nor do you
Written by: Tiffany W.
In today's edition of throwback Thursday, I want to acknowledge and give respect to the beloved social and musical icon that is Nina Simone. This morning, I came across the song
Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood and thought she would be a perfect example of what self love is. I grew up listening to her because she was a favorite of my mother, and her soul has always seemed so powerful.
Nina Simone was born in 1933 and was a singer, song writer, pianist, and social activist most known for music which took on elements of jazz, blues, folk, and gospel. She broke boundaries, and her career lasted over 2 decades before she passed in 2003. She sang about the true human experience: romance, relationships, heartbreak, joy, sadness, sexuality, feminism, social stratification, colorism, and even racism. With more
Her presence was unique because she heavily promoted cultural pride and self ascribed beauty, but she always included her whole audience which consisted of all backgrounds. From her afro, to the ebony hue of her skin, to reminscing on the experiences of blacks in the deep south, she wanted the world to embrace her and the black experience. She was a mirror to what healthy consciousness could look like. We could all take pride in and love ourselves, whilr being respectful and unifying one another. In the 60's and 70's she stepped out as a civil rights activist.