Happy #selflovesunday BEautiful BEings! Its the day of spiritual revival and I myself and feeling renewed. Good things always happen to our souls on Sundays. Its the beginning of the week and I want to share something special with you.
Today I got the most empowering text from a good friend and sister like figure in my life. She said, "Have you been posting anything? the last post I could see is the Valentine's day one, I think something may be wrong with my browser. Let me know."
Do you know why that was empowering? Because I wanted to quit blogging. I knew I wasn't going to quit but I considered, what do I need to do differently to make an impact? I truly want to create content that the average gen y woman can relate to and to be honest when people don't comment, like, repost or even acknowledge what you do, it's easy to think, well maybe it's not good. It's good enough for me because it's my truth, but I have to consider as to whether it resonates with others...
That text let me know, that even if it's just 1 person, someone cares.
I'm going to have a truth moment with you:
I have been frozen for literally 1 week. No writing (until last night). Little feeling. Little exposure. Little interaction. I've confined myself to my room for the most part. Laying in bed, praying, meditating and watching movies I've seen 100 plus times. As I've felt emotionally dead, mentally I've driven myself insane 100 plus times.
Feelings of failure, despair, confusion, dissapointment, and dare I say doubt. About what? The path I'm on. See, from a place of faith and spirituality, I can see the future, but the present leaves me in total confusion sometimes. One thing I know for sure is that when you get a vision from God several times in your life, that vision is showing you whats possible. I believe divine sight, inspiration and vision is real. Whatever God shows you, will always take place. I've seen my life. I've seen the impact, the joy, the love, the abundance, the family, the philanthropy, and the legacy.
The problem with having such clarity while being a typical millennial and someone with depression, is that I become an enemy of time. With visions and goals there comes action. With action, there's not only expected outcomes, but expected outcomes on my timeline. Certain times of the year falling on my face is no problem, I get that happens in life. Other times, the times in which I'm most prone to experiencing a depressive episode, my failed Great Expectations become a problem.
The reality that I know: Life is NEVER as bad as it SEEMS. If you can find gratitude in having shelter, food, health, clothing and love, you're doing better than about 2/3rds of the world. In the end, the world never really knows what might have been done (in light of failure) they just remember you're impact (whether negative or positive). The reality that my well self knows: I am enough.
Well reality has almost nothing to do with the mind of someone in a depressive state. A different darker dimmer reality exists. It's the one that says, " What I'm doing isn't working. I don't matter. No one pays attention to me. I want to give up." (If you believe "depression is a choice" or don't really understand it, I suggest you visit http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml).
I fall victim to my own great expectations. No matter what I do or what I say, the judge in me can easily choose to nullify everything; every step, every effort and every piece of "success."
The truth is that true acceptance and perfect self love is hard for anyone. That's why its a journey of fascination for me. Not just on a personal level, but on a psychological level. In fields like Positive Psychology and Personality Psychology, looking at all measures of self concept are the most compelling stories of human behavior. Self acceptance is hard for anyone, but especially those with the most critical, heart and mind.
Naturally, I'm critical and I overthink, but when you take account of my brain chemistry at times (the depression) I become anxious. I become obsessed. I become inundated with thoughts that counter what I KNOW to be my true being. My advantage: I'm extremely cognizant of the mental and at times spiritual battle going on inside of me, which is why I know what I need to do to recalibrate my internal state.
There is beauty in learning about yourself. There is beauty in accepting your own journey, your own truths, your own limited limitations, and the possibilities that exists. There is beauty in timing. There is beauty in special relationships. There is beauty in darkness. There is beauty in life.
Sometimes life gets hard and overwhelming but we must just pray and surrender, and continue to love on ourselves.
No matter what, I still chose to love on myself (even though my mind didn't connect to it) I worked out, prayed, meditated, burned my incense/sage, watched what would make me laugh, listened to my sermons and read uplifting messages.
I knew I'd come around. ..eventually. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing . I'm glad to say I'm back.
Do you have a story of triumph? Would you like to share something from your own self love journey. I and the world want you to share your story. Please email email@example.com if you want to be featured as a guest blogger.
By: Tiffany W.
Love will always do more, get more done, and change more of anything than Hate. Love will always shine light through darkness. It is the power of love that transforms our own lives. It is the power of love, that drives the compassion necessary to overcome injustice, misrepresentation, abuse, inequality and any state alike.
A realistic truth to understand is that duality is necessary. Light and Dark. Love and Hate. One could not exists without proof of another. Another truth is that no matter what, you (most individuals) are responsible and in control of your own thoughts and actions. You may influence others but you cannot control others.
Humans all experience emotions, but women, ON AVERAGE, by our very makeup are extremely emotional creatures. Especially in a situations that spark emotion around anger or disgust. Of course everyone doesn't express emotion the same, but often we react before really reflecting. Sometimes we reflect, practice how we want to respond in a situation, and still react full of intense emotion.
As a woman and as a human being you want to be heard, vindicated and right, but what if you learned to react through love.
Now I'm transparent, even though I'm not a dangerous, screaming, physical type of person, I can be combattive when I in a certain mental space ( especially when I'm hungry or hungry while mother nature is visiting). This is why in knowing that truth about myself, its even more important for me to center myself in the morning, connect to a source a love, so I can have calculated reactions/responses as opposed emotionally intensive responses.
Now the truth is, getting to that place in which you can respond to others with love is pretty tough. You have your ego as your biggest barrier ;Wanting to be right and having the last word. As any area of our character, it takes work.
Really connecting to the idea of self love and acceptance. When we can actively shift to the mindset thag we are imperfect and have different views, experiences, and values as another, we open up out spirit to accepting the differences in other. This helps satiate the desire to go off. You learn to allow your spirit to just speak its truth through your impeccable word or even when not to say anything and just keep the peace.
You can get more with honey, and you can influence change or respect more with love.
So next time that coworker shares her unsolicited opinion about your outfit, size, or work ethic to you or someone else, respond with love. When you find out someone you love may have betrayed, lied to, or dishonored you in some way, respond with love. If someone affiliated with an organization, club, culture, etc. does something you feel like misrepresents what you stand for, respond with love.
When we respond with anything opposite of love, we unsettle our own spirit. We end up becoming more irritated and we end compromising our own joy. Don't give someone else that much power.
Spread love, Give Love, Be Love, Receive Love, regardless of reward or return. It feels powerful, you sow goodness in the universe, and you teach others how to love.
By: Tiffany Wright
Worrying is one of the most wasteful uses of mental and emotional energy one can expend. Think about it...how does it really serve you? Does it make you feel better? Do you think it actually changes the outcomes of whatever you're worrying about. If anything, it ignites fear, doubt, and unnecessary stress.
One of my favorite scriptures, Matthew 6:27, " And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" Worrying adds no time to our lives, but in fact, takes away the ability to BE Present. It takes away the ability to appreciate life, live in gratitude no matter, and love ourselves, those around us and the world, no matter what.
Most recently, I've experienced how worrying can absolutely just shut you down. You may feel helpless, or confused, and just so anxious, you do nothing. Worrying leading to feeling immobilized is so real, and even when you're cognizant of it, it's amazing to realize how powerful our minds are. It's absolutely so much more easier said than, but when you worry think about taking on these steps.
1. DEEP BREATHING
In the realm of everyday living and stress management, people really underestimate deep breathing. Our bodies are made up of trillion of cells, and all cells need oxygen to thrive. Therefore your breathe is what runs everything in your body. Taking a deep breathe in which inhale SLOWLY for seconds, and exhale SLOWLY for 10 seconds will absolutely re-set your body's response to a stressful situation
2. Repeat Affirmations
Depending on the situation, it's really the thoughts we have around the situation that keeps worrying.
If it's a matter in which skill or knowledge is involved, repeat, "I did my best, and whatever happens, happens." When the situation involves you, there's only so much you can do, then you just have to have faith.
If it's something or someone you owe, and you are the cause of worry, be honest and take responsibility for your actions. Speak to yourself, " I have made decisions that I must live with, but whatever the consequences, I'll do my best, and learn from my choices."
If the source of worry is another person remember, "I can only control myself. I relinquish any idea of control over another, and I wish them the best."
Sometimes the worry comes from fear of loss or the ego's acceptance of loss (status, material items, etc. ). In such cases, concentrate on at least 10 things, situations, people, etc, that you are grateful for. When we can focus on the positive, it shifts our energies and level of anxiety, stress or worry
4. Remember...EVERYTHING WILL PASS. NOTHING IS PERMANENT.
You will be ok. Life will be ok. Choose what you will give your power to.
Written By: Tiffany W
One notion I've learned to understand on my spiritual journey is that when you get so into yourself as "master of everything", you will experience humbling situations from henceforth faith replaces your need to control life. Every spiritual being has their time. Life happens. In and out of your control. You are responsible for what you do at every moment, but so is everyone else, and the greater force that connects us allows life to play out.
The higher level of consciousness one enters, the more you realize the world does not revolve around you. You are not the world, therefore all that you want, is not reflective of the natural order of life. Life is not about getting what you want. It's not about becoming what you want. It's about an experience of BEing; an experience of exchange, and experience of fulfilling purpose. Every living organism has a purpose on Earth.
When we are more connected to our need to control what exists, and what may occur, we ignore the greater picture of life, and tend to have weak emotional and spiritual capabilities; we cut off our ability to thrive on every level of our being. Consider yourself and anyone, who's greatest goal was financial success. Typically once attained, they feel empty or lost. When you want a position, or material item so much, you receive it, and still feel "unfulfilled". Or attaining any type of status, you may lack the presence of love from a partner, family or friends, and feel empty. When you focus on controlling life for your mere pleasure and desires, you find out, "something" will be missing." Once you lose a person, place or thing, your world will turn upside down. Life will not always go as you plan, which is a clear indication that your control is limited.
Here enters faith. It is no secret that there are forces that cannot be explained by science. Doings that occur way outside our realm of control, and they typically involve the variants of faith, hope and belief. Peace comes when you can exists in the flow of life. When you know that you can give, and give up power simultaneously. To exist in a flow means to live in minimal resistance to life. Don't beat yourself up; don't anger quickly; don't sulk in regret, repression, and resistance. Give what you can, whether it's your best or a little. The more you give in life, the more you will receive, but at every moment, it will look differently. Learn to put forth what you can, and learn to just BE! Occupying your mind with ideas of control, takes away the mystery of life. Have faith, no matter what, choose to slow your roll, and Just BE!
BE Faith Filled~
Written By: Tiffany W.
Control. A fine concept that allows us to reflect strength and resilience, or helplessness and stagnancy. It's a concept that some will feel they understand perfectly and others not so much. one of the most interesting understandings of control, is that your sense of it is fluid. It can change depending on age, and life circumstance. In general from childhood to our teenage years we are very clear on our ability to control adults, peers, and what we want. The concept of no and rejection often seems foreign, and even if we receive such notice, our superhuman mentality looks right past it. So much so, most of us have inflated ego's into our 20's or until we have a major experience that forces us to look at control differently.
For so long, I felt I had everything down. I was a hard working, detailed oriented, extremely analytical and organized individual, who knew what I wanted, and never considered the possibility of not getting what i wanted. Such thought processes kept me busy and excelling as a scholar, and leader in my respective community. If you looked at my planner, it was laid out each day from waking up, to showers, to eating, to sleep time. I was dedicated to my life like clockwork, and I never considered how life would be different. I was always busy, and always stepping up to be in control, and take the lead in something. Then I had a close friend at the time say, "Tiffany, let go. stop trying to control everything in your life; do something off schedule. I can't believe you schedule your bubble baths. step out your routine." That conversation changed my life, and every since then I've been trying to find my balance.
My sense of control made my sense of adulthood come really early, and by 22, I was somewhat burned out. I honestly wanted to experience life not being obsessed with controlling everything, and learn to just ease up. The result was not always what I expected because when you take "yourself" out of something, you learn to feel. You learn to be present. you learn to be mindful, and you really learn about yourself, the world, and people on a whole other level. When you experience the world with this sense of consciousness, and life throws you curve balls or you tend to make decisions that turn in to lessons, it can get easy to blame, guilt, and attack yourself. I can say 5 years later, I am back to where I started. To be resilient isn't to just keep going without feeling, or processing, but its to understand that yes, we do have SOME control over our lives; and whatever happens, we are not those events...those events are consequences of a series of actions...but they do not define us.
One who commits a crime is not a criminal...they are a BEing that committed a crime. One who loses a job is not a failure, they merely lost an opportunity and can be opening of another. If you lose your home or spouse, it may be very difficult, but those losses do not define you.
The difference in my understanding of control, is absolutely reflected in this quote. I allowed my attachment to the control of people, things and situations define who I was or was not. Life isn't always that simple,a nd when you become more mindful of "why" you do everything, its easy to over think, over judge, and over attribute. Know that you are multifasceted. You are powerful. There are aspects of life you will be able to impact and others that you have no control over. When you live thru purpose, vision, and love, manifestations of life don;t always reflect what you think they should in your mind. Set goals, plan, stay focused, stay consistent, and belive, but know that even with such systems...things happen, and that's ok. Sometimes you won't set goals, plan, stay focused, stay consistent or even believe, and g
REPEAT THESE WORDS:
I will love myself no matter what. Through the gains and losses. Through the storms and rainbows. I know that the imperfection of my human experience will allow me the constant opportunity to grow, learn, and transform. I will be patient, kind, non judgmental of myself.
This is a mantra of patience and understanding. For all that needed.
"I'm stronger, I'm wiser, I'm better, I never would never made it without you"-Marvin Sapp.
Life happens. We make mistakes, and rarely really have the answers to anything. We are all in search for answers for the right way to live and unlock the best life, but there's no perfect life and no perfect us. Everything is what it is, and its best to be patient with life itself. BE patient with life and yourself because despite all the self help books and blogs, experience is your best teacher, and know one can ever feel exactly how you feel in the space that you are experiencing challenges, difficulty, hardship, success, joy, happiness, love or whatever. You are like a constantly growing flower, and under favorable conditions with great care and patience, you will blossom. Take every day as it comes, and never guilt yourself for not completing a task. If you do your best, what more can be done? Seek to improve, to love more, do more, learn more, and know that at the end of the day, everything will be what it will be.
BE Patient~BE Still
Written by: Tiffany W.
How easy it to become frustrated when you feel like nothing is happening the way you want it? You desire. You work. You SET goals. You stay focused. Even though you know the formula, sometimes you don't get the results you expect in the time frame you want them. Guess what, its ok. It seems as Gen Y and those who come after us, have no concept of time because we in general, want what we want, when we want it and we actually believe that we'll get it. Yes we are an ambitious bunch and are an outlier generation due to the amount self made millionaires we have. The challenge for most of us is understanding that ambition does not have to have an expiration date. We are the most timeline and goal oriented bunch thus far, and when what we want doesn't come to pass according to our plans, the result is depression, anxiety, anger, and much distress. From marriage to career success, to even just being accepted for ourselves, there's a sense of rush and pressure, but its not necessary. If you don't get what you want when you want it, its ok. You are still amazing. You are still worthy. You are still powerful. Abundance, joy, success, wealth, and happiness is available for you. The journey of life is marked by patience; Understanding that you will become who you need to become in due time.
Ever notice when you are soooo caught up in the hustle and bustle, something in life will slow you down? It could be an injury, illness, or major life transition. There is always a greater force that will interrupt our plans. Something will always put us "in check". No matter what barriers seem to present themselves, the "things" that slow us down, are always in place to propel us to a point of transformation that will allow us to successfully experience what we've been wanting. It takes us to be able to step back and get a greater picture of our circumstances, wants and desires; such circumstances can be beneficial in grounding us and allowing us to connect to greater focuses within us, if we are patient and connect to the flow of life. As I often say, nature is absolutely our greatest teacher, and as the quote suggests, any setback that forces us into our natural states, is powerful. Its' realigning, and its' an event that serves a purpose. So if you are reading this and you're going through a tough time right now, please BE still. Connect to peace, and open your heart and mind to seeing what the leasons at hand are. We beat oursleves up, and its not necessary. We put our value in these deadlines and life events we expect. Do what you can do, and just live. I always speak to you, as I speak to myself, so I say, Let Go, Let God. Let Go, Let Life. Just BE.
Written BY: Tiffany W.