 If you and I chatted for the first time, and I blatantly said, may I join your sisterhood, tribe, group of friends, etc., what would you say? How would you feel? If you considered answering yes, what would be the criteria that I would have to fulfill?
Do you honestly feel like you have a strong sisterhood with at least 2-3 women? Yes, you are the givers of life, and in so many ways, you handle a lot more life and baggage than most men, but having others to check in with, who authentically care about you or who offer to support you and lighten your load is so important. Outside of settings like school and possibly work, it is difficult for many adults to develop new friendships, and even when you do, you may have an overly romantic or underwhelming idea of what that looks like. Yet the reality is, life can be challenging at times. Stress is a real thing, and its not always self care activities like yoga, fitness, writing, fitness, etc. that can bring our stress levels down. Sometimes we need human contact, affection and support to get us thru tough times or even a tough day. According to the Office of Women's Health, the following are signs of stress:
Some of these can also be signs of greater mental health issues like depression or anxiety. One of the ways to help manage your stress is having and leaning on a supportive network of family and friends that you can talk to. But dare I say, its not just any type of friends. We all have different types of friends, that may serve different purposes. They may be in our lives now because they entered during very different seasons in our lives, whether as children, adolescents, young adults, or in the present. Nonetheless, for the sake of this post, I want you to think about the kind of friends, or sisters, to include in your sisterhood.
A sisterhood would be comprised of a group of women, that would fulfill the criteria above. Every single one not, but collectively they are whole tribe of support. The truth is, no one person can be everything; not even you. This is why its important to have parts of a whole. The women in your sisterhood don't even all have to know or be friends with each other, but if you had to have sleepover/please come pour into me session-my life is in shambles- would you have a group of women you could depend on? Remember, stress has effects on your health, so its never something you just want to keep inside. Not only would you have your self love tool kit, but you would human outlets that can help you deplug, process, and restart. The power of a sisterhood is that it creates a safe space for you as a woman. We bear a lot of burdens, have so many insecurities, doubt ourselves, compare ourselves, and often have feelings of lack. All the while, we carry on with idea that we can hold weight on our backs, and just continue doing laugh as if the weight is not affecting us. With a sisterhood, you are reminded you are not alone and don't need to feel like you have to go thru life alone. You are also reminded that someone else, has or is going thru your same or similar stresses. There is simply power in connection. If a sisterhood is not something you have, lets be grateful that you're in the age of technology bringing people together. Join Facebook groups with interests you have. Look for meetups where you are. Join local women focused membership based organizations. Step out your comfort zone, be vulnerable, and go on sister dates to build relationships! To have support is honoring thy spirit; the 4th commandment of self love, so be open. BE Open, Tiffany W.  The older I get, I realize the extreme importance of being my mindful of who I share my emotion, time, energy, laughter, insecurities, fears and visions with. Everyone isn't meant or built to hold you up and hold the space you need. At this point, I can absolutely testify to the statement " your vibe attracts your tribe, " as well as Jim Rohn's words, "you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with." Thank goodness I love my tribe!
What is a tribe? A tribe is a collection of people who share values, customs, and traditions. Your tribe is your network. The people you give and receive advice to and from. Those you spend time with. Those who you collaborate with to express ideas to the world. Those who you set aside time for, to bond. These can be your close friends or highly cordial associates. This year, I've received some clear visions of some pretty big changes that might happen, especially around personal goals. With big vision has come big fear and I've been experiencing an unusual amount of it lately. As easy as it would be to get caught up in my fear, for the first time, I decided to really express what I was feeling with some of my friends. I must say, receiving the support love, encouragement and push I needed from my girl friends, is something the word grateful can't even describe. I've always been grateful for the friends that I have, but in reflection of the support they lent me, made me realize how blessed I am to have such a diverse tribe of women, on so many different journeys that is so parallel with mine. At 28, the people I spend the most time discuss visions, goals, purpose, spiritual development, personal transformation, self care, self love, healthy romance, arts, travel and social justice. If you gather at least 5 of my friends, you will indeed see they reflect me, whole heartedly and that is awesome! When I was younger, I was obligated to building friendships with people that were near me, whether in school or my neighborhood, but we get more freedom the older we get. The fact that I feel safe with my tribe and I am rather naive to the occurrence of "2-faced hater-type" friends that I often see portrayed in media and especially memes, lets me know I'm pretty blessed. That's not my world and I'm grateful. We are all on our own journeys, and some journeys may be more complimentary for your life than others. You don't HAVE to be friends or associates with any and everyone. You GET to choose. Make sure you CHOOSE carefully. Every friend you have doesn't have to be the same as you, doesn't have to look like or even speak like you, but is the state of their life aligned with where you are or want to be? That's what matters. Do they strengths you would like to have? Are they positive? Would they promote you if you had something to promote? Do you have a mutually beneficial relationship? Do you empower one another? Do you feel that you could be open to speak about different parts of your being? These are questions to ask when in reflection about your tribe. For me, I can confidently say yes. This is not to brag, but to share with you the importance of knowing who you are and knowing what you need. Its about honoring your self and honoring your spirit, by acknowledging who you are but also the importance of the energy you surround yourself with. The 4th Commandment of Self Love is: Honor Thy Spirit . Do you pay attention to what environments or what type of people your spirit needs to thrive? Do you love yourself enough to select your tribe like you select your clothes, hairstyles, jobs, shoes and food?...with effort? BE Empowered, Tiffany W.  The first commandment of self love is: Honor Thyself.
What does that mean? It means to accept, acknowledge, recognize and take with pride, everything that you are. What makes us who we are?Our choices, our thoughts, what we decide to be, our experiences, our beliefs, and whatever composes our mind, bodies and spirits. For some people it’s easier to focus on the parts of their being that seem untouched, un-phased, un-wounded. The other parts, are typically ignored or looked at with shame; the SCARS. Scars are the result of healing. An imprinted reminder of a painful experience. They can also be a consequence of an incident that resulted in major change, whether natural or not. Scars can be seen and unseen. They can be physical or emotional. Far too often women are ashamed of their scars and today I ask you, may you choose to Be Proud? Be Proud of your scars, whether physical or emotional. They tell a story and are a shadow of your beauty. With an obsession for perfection, women are ashamed of stretch marks, acne scars, moles, facial birthmarks and bruises. Too ashamed to wear certain pieces of clothing for the fear of judgement, ridicule, or glances you may get from someone else. In the end, does it matter? If you lost or gained weight, had a baby, have marks from conditions like chicken pox, or whatever else, that is YOUR experience and has nothing to do with anyone else. You had that experience and you know what, millions of other women around you have had the same experience. You are human, change happens, scars occur. Embrace them, and proudly include your scars in your story. What about the scars no one can see, but you walk around with shame because of their occurrence? An abortion? Infertility? Trust, hurt or abandonment issues due to a relationship? Sexual assualt? Emotional or Psychological Abuse? Self-imposed disappointment? Do you realize how much extra weight you carry in your body because you resist as oppose to embrace these incidents? Embrace does not mean you are happy or joyful that these events happened to you, but you accept that they are a part of your journey and you can continue to live. In Christianity there is the notion that God will give you beauty for ashes. It’s a beautiful concept and life truth, that once you give up what you deem as dead, hurtful, ugly, or negative, life will be more beautiful. Your spirit will be more at ease. Your mind and body will release whatever you’ve been holding on to. We as women let the invisible scars keep us away from love in platonic, familial or romantic relationships. We let them become barriers to walk in our purpose when in actuality, embracing and accepting these scars can bring us closer to our purpose. We let the scars keep us away from a life of abundance, opportunity and fullness. Release the fear. Release the shame. If you are reading this, you are still here. You are strong. Those scars are sign of healing. Once you’ve healed, you have to give yourself permission to be more, do more, love more, and think higher of yourself and what life can offer. Your past experiences shape you, but they do not define you. You define who you are. Walking proudly with your scars allows you to live in a space of freedom. Walking proudly with your scars gives someone else the power to be free. BE Proud~ By: Tiffany W.  Anyone out there get caught up in the fantasies of their own perfect visions? Somehow you envision a day, a moment, an event, or an interaction to be a certain way, then life says, who do you think you are?
Some days can seem so heavenly and others, not so much. Some days you can seem so centered and other days, not so much. Somewhere in you lies the perfect storm of grace, peace, joy, love, rigidness, confusion, hurt and sorrow. Embrace it all. Just do and be your best at all times. Know that your best changes moment by moment and day by day. Even in the change, being blessed with centering thoughts or support systems who can lend words of encouragement, “It’s going to be ok,” “don’t worry” can make such a difference! Every day and every moment looks different. Your mind, body and spirit are in a constant revolution. Some days feel better than others. Some days, YOU or I feel better than others. The day in and of itself is perfect. It in itself, is not good or bad; how we perceive it, how we react in differing moments, how we take advantage of it, is what changes. Stepping away from judgement and allowing ourselves to just embrace it all is a rather empowering stance and mindset to be in. Change is a part of life. That reflection in itself gives proof to the fact that nothing will always be the same. You won’t always be happy or sad. You won’t always win or lose. You won’t always feel great or less than. When you have challenging days or moments, consider what lessons you can pull from whatever is or is not going on. You can also consider how any time that seems advantageous or even disadvantageous has some aspect in which you can express gratitude. Next time you’re in a rut, make sure to practice deep breathing, express affirmations that brighten your day, meditate on the thought that everything works out for me, smile, and know that whatever is going on, in the grander scheme of life, is temporary. Embracing whatever your being is going through, is honoring yourself. Implementing a practice to help you get and stay centered is honoring your mind and spirit. Stay focused on your Commandments of Self Love™. Every day and every moment is new! Embrace it! BE Accepting~ By: Tiffany W.  What happens when you're in a good space but you're in a relationship with someone who's depressed, an energy vampire, or extremely negative and you care about them so much you want to help them?
The relationship you're involved in somehow causes you to shift the focus from loving on your self to being completely consumed with that person. You actually begin to not only absorb their energy but you let go of your own self love and care practices. As a loving individual, you walk in love and with that comes empathy, the ability to emotionally connect to another person's experience. As beautiful as it is to be empathic, it can also be rather draining. When there's someone you love a lot who's suffering, it's easy to want to play the role of savior. In your role as saviour you may go the distance to reach out to that person. That's beautiful because we should all extend love to those around us, but try to understand that you cannot save anyone. You can however positively impact someone by your presence and the way you live your life. Which is all the more reason why it's essential for one to continue to uphold self love practices no matter what's going on in your life or in a relationship. Release guilt, judgement and pressure you've put on yourself to help someone else. Sometimes just saying, I'm here for you, is all you can really do. The presence of their struggle is not your priority. It doesn't mean you shouldn't care but often times it can be easy to think you're not a good enough friend or partner if that person continues to struggle. Accept their journey for what it is and accept your role in their life. If you find this happening, make sure to revisit your self love tool kit. Are you pulling out the tools everyday? every week? as needed? or never? If the trouble in someone else's life has caused you to go to a dark place or even a place of defeat or guilt, its time to take a step back and re-focus on yourself. Change and healing comes when people are not only ready, but when they see positive models of who they can become. The best route of action you can take is to continue to love them, encourage them, and model positive healthy behaviors without an expectation that you will change them. They will see you. They will acknowledge you. They will change on their own and in the process, you can still preserve your sense of well being. What are those activities or practices that help keep you peaceful? Still? Joyful? Playful? Healthy? Expressive activities like writing, singing, dancing, playing music, or playing an instrument? Maybe spiritual activities such as praying, burning incense/candles, meditating or reading spiritual texts? What about exercising? Or maybe simply watching a feel good film? Whatever it is, hold on to those activities and do them as often as possible. BE Whole~ By: Tiffany W.  “It is easy to believe we are each waves and forget we are also the ocean.” -Jon J. Muth
The majority of people believe that they are truly on the receiving end of what the world "gives" to them: their careers, spouses, and even how people treat them. What a smaller fraction of people actually know and can attest to is that we are much more powerful than we believe. Not from a cliché sense of the notion, but actually powerful in terms of being a catalyst for action and not just a reactionary organism. Within each of us is a guiding spirit to help us along the way of our journey. regardless of one's sense of spirituality, an universal wisdom across time and ways of life is that we are spiritual or at least energy encompassing beings with the power to bring out what we desire with our thoughts and vibrations. So what does it mean? Your world and all that exists, which you may or may not like, is a reflection of your spirit and the energy you emit. Ever find it a coincidence when you are thinking of someone they call or text you? Or what about when you "have a feeling" something is going to happen and it often does. Or what about if you were thinking of a song and you "happen" to hear it around you? These are not coincidences. There are no coincidences. The fears that you often focus on, even continue to play out in your head subconsciously, often times manifest. The desires that you deeply wanted, believed in, and put forth effort in, manifest. You have power and knowing that you have power is why it's so important to not only Honor Your Spirit but also follow the other commandments of Self Love: Honor Thyself, Honor thy Mind, Honor thy Body and Forgive. BE mindful of what you feed yourself, physically and spiritually. What people are allowing to sow into your spirit? What environments are you in? People often think it doesn't matter, but who and what you're around matters. What you listen to and watch, matters. Any opportunity for your brain to receive information, affects and shapes it. Everyday, your brain is making new connection. Therefore its working to create a frame of reference for your thoughts and behaviors. Feed your spirit what you want. Speak what you want. BElieve that you can attain what you want. Above all, keep this process to yourself. There are people who don't believe in their power, therefore they may not believe in your power. There are people who do not believe that "anything is possible" and they will unintentionally plant seeds of doubt in you. Protect your spirit while declaring what you want. If you want a different life, than sit back and examine your thoughts. Listen through meditative silence what is running rapid through your mind. Take time to your self. Become more connected with your spirit. Let it guide you and create the world that not only you desire but that serves your highest state of being and the those around you. BE Elevated~ By: Tiffany W. Anyone out there get caught up in the fantasies of their own perfect visions? Somehow you envision a day, a moment, an event, or an interaction to be a certain way, then life says, who do you think you are? Some days can seem so heavenly and others, not so much. Some days you can seem so centered and other days, not so much. Somewhere in you lies the perfect storm of grace, peace, joy, love, rigidness, confusion, hurt and sorrow. Embrace it all. Just do and be your best at all times. Know that your best changes moment by moment and day by day. Even in the change, being blessed with centering thoughts or support systems who can lend words of encouragement, “It’s going to be ok,” “don’t worry” can make such a difference! Every day and every moment looks different. Your mind, body and spirit are in a constant revolution. Some days feel better than others. Some days, YOU or I feel better than others. The day in and of itself is perfect. It in itself, is not good or bad; how we perceive it, how we react in differing moments, how we take advantage of it, is what changes. Stepping away from judgement and allowing ourselves to just embrace it all is a rather empowering stance and mindset to be in. Change is a part of life. That reflection in itself gives proof to the fact that nothing will always be the same. You won’t always be happy or sad. You won’t always win or lose. You won’t always feel great or less than. When you have challenging days or moments, consider what lessons you can pull from whatever is or is not going on. You can also consider how any time that seems advantageous or even disadvantageous has some aspect in which you can express gratitude. Next time you’re in a rut, make sure to practice deep breathing, express affirmations that brighten your day, meditate on the thought that everything works out for me, smile, and know that whatever is going on, in the grander scheme of life, is temporary. Embracing whatever your being is going through, is honoring yourself. Implementing a practice to help you get and stay centered is honoring your mind and spirit. Stay focused on your Commandments of Self Love™. Every day and every moment is new! Embrace it! BE Open~ By: Tiffany W.  |
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