Happy #selflovesunday BEautiful BEings! Its the day of spiritual revival and I myself and feeling renewed. Good things always happen to our souls on Sundays. Its the beginning of the week and I want to share something special with you.
Today I got the most empowering text from a good friend and sister like figure in my life. She said, "Have you been posting anything? the last post I could see is the Valentine's day one, I think something may be wrong with my browser. Let me know."
Do you know why that was empowering? Because I wanted to quit blogging. I knew I wasn't going to quit but I considered, what do I need to do differently to make an impact? I truly want to create content that the average gen y woman can relate to and to be honest when people don't comment, like, repost or even acknowledge what you do, it's easy to think, well maybe it's not good. It's good enough for me because it's my truth, but I have to consider as to whether it resonates with others...
That text let me know, that even if it's just 1 person, someone cares.
I'm going to have a truth moment with you:
I have been frozen for literally 1 week. No writing (until last night). Little feeling. Little exposure. Little interaction. I've confined myself to my room for the most part. Laying in bed, praying, meditating and watching movies I've seen 100 plus times. As I've felt emotionally dead, mentally I've driven myself insane 100 plus times.
Feelings of failure, despair, confusion, dissapointment, and dare I say doubt. About what? The path I'm on. See, from a place of faith and spirituality, I can see the future, but the present leaves me in total confusion sometimes. One thing I know for sure is that when you get a vision from God several times in your life, that vision is showing you whats possible. I believe divine sight, inspiration and vision is real. Whatever God shows you, will always take place. I've seen my life. I've seen the impact, the joy, the love, the abundance, the family, the philanthropy, and the legacy.
The problem with having such clarity while being a typical millennial and someone with depression, is that I become an enemy of time. With visions and goals there comes action. With action, there's not only expected outcomes, but expected outcomes on my timeline. Certain times of the year falling on my face is no problem, I get that happens in life. Other times, the times in which I'm most prone to experiencing a depressive episode, my failed Great Expectations become a problem.
The reality that I know: Life is NEVER as bad as it SEEMS. If you can find gratitude in having shelter, food, health, clothing and love, you're doing better than about 2/3rds of the world. In the end, the world never really knows what might have been done (in light of failure) they just remember you're impact (whether negative or positive). The reality that my well self knows: I am enough.
Well reality has almost nothing to do with the mind of someone in a depressive state. A different darker dimmer reality exists. It's the one that says, " What I'm doing isn't working. I don't matter. No one pays attention to me. I want to give up." (If you believe "depression is a choice" or don't really understand it, I suggest you visit http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml).
I fall victim to my own great expectations. No matter what I do or what I say, the judge in me can easily choose to nullify everything; every step, every effort and every piece of "success."
The truth is that true acceptance and perfect self love is hard for anyone. That's why its a journey of fascination for me. Not just on a personal level, but on a psychological level. In fields like Positive Psychology and Personality Psychology, looking at all measures of self concept are the most compelling stories of human behavior. Self acceptance is hard for anyone, but especially those with the most critical, heart and mind.
Naturally, I'm critical and I overthink, but when you take account of my brain chemistry at times (the depression) I become anxious. I become obsessed. I become inundated with thoughts that counter what I KNOW to be my true being. My advantage: I'm extremely cognizant of the mental and at times spiritual battle going on inside of me, which is why I know what I need to do to recalibrate my internal state.
There is beauty in learning about yourself. There is beauty in accepting your own journey, your own truths, your own limited limitations, and the possibilities that exists. There is beauty in timing. There is beauty in special relationships. There is beauty in darkness. There is beauty in life.
Sometimes life gets hard and overwhelming but we must just pray and surrender, and continue to love on ourselves.
No matter what, I still chose to love on myself (even though my mind didn't connect to it) I worked out, prayed, meditated, burned my incense/sage, watched what would make me laugh, listened to my sermons and read uplifting messages.
I knew I'd come around. ..eventually. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing . I'm glad to say I'm back.
Do you have a story of triumph? Would you like to share something from your own self love journey. I and the world want you to share your story. Please email email@example.com if you want to be featured as a guest blogger.
By: Tiffany W.
Do you know there's an estimated 7 billion humans walking this Earth?
More than half of those humans are actually women!
What do you think that may mean? Well to me, that means, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Take that in. It's a simple yet possibly emotionally impactful statement. Why? Because when people, especially women (can we admit we're a tad bit more emotional and irrational at times?) go through their Life Crap, they think they're alone! They think their struggle, pain, dysfunction, confusion, disappointment, lost, depression, and especially heartbreak keeps them wrapped up in this bubble that reads, "Girl you are all alone. Be ashamed. No one can know. No one can understand. Struggle through this Life Crap all alone!" It's rather ridiculous. Wouldn't you agree?
You are not the only one to be hurt. You are not the only one who had an abortion. You are unfortunately not the only one who's been a survivor of domestic violence or sexual assault. You're not the only one who's used their body to fulfill voids of love and esteem. You are not the only one who's regretted coming between another relationship. You're not the only one battling an addiction. You're not the only one who's contracted a STD/STI. You are not the only one to be discriminated against or undermined because of your body, skin color, hair, sexuality, or gender. You are not the only one that has an unhealthy relationship with your body and feels the need to obsess over every crevice, inch, pound or calorie. You are definitely not the only one who's experienced heartbreak. You're not the only mother that sometimes feel like they want to walk away from their husband and children. You're not the only one questioning you're long term relationship or marriage because you've realized you're transforming. You're not the only one who's been cheated on, lied to, or just flat out abandoned. You're not the only one without a mother or father (whether by their choice or death). You're not the only one that is "young" facing a terminal illness. You're not the only one that doesn't know their purpose, or know what they want to do with their life. You're not the only that "feels like a failure." You're not the only one in major debt with a job that barely has a liveable wage. You're not the only unemployed, homeless, or car-less (of course these are moreso 1st world problems). You're not the only one who's afraid to go after their dream. You're not the only one that hates their job and feels stuck.You're not the only angry, sad, or confused. You are not the only one who really doesn't know what it means to be happy, in love, or satisfied with life. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I know in your alone time. you reflect, compare your life to those who you follow on social media and in blogs, and it has you twisting up reality. I know it feels really hard to grasp the answer to all the WHY's in your life. Some times, the weight of the world seems so heavy, you just don't know what to do. But guess what? YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
What happened if you realized that your experience was synonymous with someone else's? and it was ok to be transparent to SOMEONE because you never really know what someone else is going through? What could happen if you actually believed that in the midst of all the confusion, hurt, disappointment and loss, you could actually choose to BE OK, and know that life is actually OK?
One thing that I know for sure is that pain is real. Its as real as your mind tells you it is.If you're mind doesn't focus on pain, well it wouldn't exists. As someone who's experienced at least 2 depressive episodes a year since I was 7, I know what it feels like to be caught up in your mind. I also know the freedom of sharing your innermost self with others. It can be nerving, but it is love. How so? Well, not only are you learning to accept yourself, you're teaching others to accept themselves while also possibly helping them heal through their own Life Crap.
If you are feeling alone or if you ever feel alone, as if no one can understand or relate to whatever you're feeling, I want you to talk to someone. I want you to write, sing, dance, draw, or paint through whatever you're going through. I want you to find a way to express yourself, speak up and speak out. Sharing your truth is the most powerful step you can take in healing yourself. Learn to find peace with wherever you are in life. That is the power of the first commandment of self love, Honor Thyself. Learn to embrace who you are, what you've been through and what you're going through.
BE OPEN to Loving Yourself~
By: Tiffany W.
Do you know how amazing you are and your life is?
Granted, you may or may not have everything you want or desire. You may even be going through a rough season. You may have recently lost someone. You may be one of the millions of people fighting through a seasonal episode of depression. Despite all of that, you and your life is amazing.
Sometimes it's really hard to the light at the end of the tunnel, but I think that's because we're paying more attention to the tunnel then the light. Staying focused on not only what we're grateful for in the moment, but also on whats at the end of any season keeps you motivated.
Stay encouraged. People and situations seem powerful enough to take our joy and smile, but we have the power to choose how we want to respond to the world.
If you feel like you are in a deep funk or experiencing a depressive episode its even more important for you to have a Self Love tool kit available. What should be in your tool kit? Poems, affirmations, intentions, declarative statements, uplifting songs, encouraging spiritual scriptures, fitness, eating clean (yes this dramatically effects your mood), comedic films/shows/text, a creative process (writing, singing, dancing, painting, etc.), deep breathing, random moments of forced smiles, and the most important, daily actions that uplift another.
Yes these are all tools you can use to stay encouraged. Of course choose whatever resonates with you, but whatever you do, remember you and your life is amazing.
By: Tiffany W.
One of the greatest blocks that I'm learning to overcome is shame.
It feels good to be in a place to feel comfortable in yourself. Comfortable not having the answers most people expect. Comfortable with not knowing the future but staying in belief about the possibilities. Comfortable in knowing that I am doing my best despite what others may feel.
I think I got to a point of thinking, why take away my own joy in life and weigh myself in shame and guilt, when I can own my life, and float in the joy of just BEing?
I mean I used to feel shame for the smallest things. If I over committed to plans, I'd feel really guilty about telling certain parties, I'm not going to join you for x,y,z. Even if someone came over my place and I had dishes in the sink or they walked in my room which may have been unpresentable to them. If I didn't have money to put in a collection plate during offering at church. Heck, even if I realized that I totally forgot to call or text someone back in a "decent" window of time.
I'd feel shame if someone pointed out I was hypocritical about something. If I forgot to give someone a birthday card or call. If I didn't have money or take time to create a holiday gift. Even more, being 20 something with no job, little money, no car, and pretty much floating. But let me tell me you about the power of self love!
Haha...I let that mess go. I own my stuff. All of it. I accept everything in my journey, and when I "mess up" I admit it. When I'm wrong or have contradicted myself, I own it. If I do or live in some "unconventional" manner, I own that. Do you know what that feels like? It feels like freedom and obligation to only myself. I don't have children or a husband, so the only person that I'm accountable for is myself. Receiving insight of what others feel about the productivity of my life or even the alignment of my behavior no longer imposes guilt or shame on my spirit.
It is not to say I don't consider what others say, or how they react to me, but I've learned to truly embrace the 5 Commandments of Self Love, and that has allowed me to really just honor and accept myself. That is a feeling I wish more people, especially women could feel.
Women shame themselves about their bodies, their romantic choices, their sexuality, sexual or emotional traumas, eating sweets or unhealthy foods, not going going out, going out a lot, and not hitting goals "on time." Stop the shaming! Stop the guilt! I believe that when you are aligned in your mind, body, and spirit, and make decisions from a place of doing what you know is best at all times, you will be able to avoid shame and guilt. Especially for things you really didn't do.
Traditionally taboo topics such as sexual assault, rape, domestic violence, and even depression have received more of a platform because of stories that have circulated on social media in massive numbers. Understanding that no matter what struggles or traumas you experience, you are never alone or the only one experiencing them, is definitely a step towards self love and acceptance. You didn't ask to be assaulted. You didn't ask to be taking advantage of. You didn't ask to be drugged. You didn't ask to be abused mentally, emotionally, physically or financially. You didn't ask to experience feelings of hopelessness. Do not feel shame. Own your story, and maybe connect to a higher purpose, and share your story. Empower someone else. Connect to someone else.
Embrace your truth. Live in your truth. Share your truth. Heal from your truth.
Release shame and guilt. Stop wronging yourself. DO whats necessary to avoid those feelings, but if you walk into that territory, just own whatever you did or didn't do. Honor your self. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
By: Tiffany Wright.