It's a funny thing when you start to really put yourself first...
I mean, when you intentionally set boundaries with people, walk away from relationships, offer up the word NO more often, be comfortable with doing what you want, and actually believing in some dreams you have...
The funny thing is that the people around you will respond: some people will admire you, others will respect you, and others will think you are being rude, selfish, standoffish or "Different".
Well I say,
How dare you tell someone you won't tolerate their disrespect...
How dare you tell someone you don't want to hear about the negativity they want to spew about their own or others' lives...
How dare you set boundaries with energy vampires and people who don't seem to appreciate you...
How dare you spend less time with people who don't add to your life or feel you have a mutually beneficial relationship with
How dare you be honest and say, no, without reason because you're an adult who reserves the right to choose what you do and when you want to do it
How dare you say no because you've learned that you are human and that rest and restoration are important to your physical, mental and emotional health...
I mean...how dare you begin to love yourself as much you do others...
This is the thing, it's ok to change. I want you to give yourself permission to do so. There's some unrealistic expectation that humans have about people never changing, and when they do, others get surprised. No matter what the change seems like, albeit negative or positive. Seasons change, weather change, and people change. Your body changes, your circumstances change, and how you navigate the world change.
The only thing constant is change, so embrace it, and if those around you don't, learn to be ok with it.
A new me on my new journey of self love years ago would have said, oh well who cares, but the reality is, we do care if the ones we love the most will embrace our transformations. We do have a hope that people will be happy and accepting of our new wings, but unfortunately this is not always the case.
As you come into yourself, you must realize that choosing to love on yourself does not make you selfish. It means that you are conscious of the fact that you are the center of your universe and without intentionally taking steps to stay aligned with your center, your world will be chaos.
It does not serve you to let people treat you ways that you don't want to be treated. You must not only learn and reflect upon what you NEED emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally to thrive, but you must hold others accountable to providing that.
It doesn't serve you to overcommit, run yourself into the ground, neglect your health, neglect your me time, and neglect self care. It is your role and responsibility to maintain peace and joy in your life. On this journey, as you come to realize how to do so, you will transform, you will have to choose you over others, and you know what? It's ok. Choose to BE Centered.
BE Unapologetically Centered,
"I'm so excited!"
"You got this"
"Yes! It's almost over. Wait...not yet? Omg that was only the half point!"
" I want this to be over!"
"Ugh why'd I do this"
" I am more than a conqueror. I can do this. I trained for this. Just think how good Boiling Crab is going to taste."
" My hip...my knee. I want to stop."
" Yessssss! I did it! Whoa! That was good!"
These are the incremental thoughts and sentiments I had last Saturday when I ran my first 15k Double Road Race. It's a new style of racing that provides an extra challenge for runners because you're essentially running 2 events in 1 day; a 10k=6.2 miles and then a 5k=3.1 which are separated by a mandatory recovery period.
The challenge comes during the second leg, after the recovery because your body has been resting and really believes its done with gruesome long distance running. To its suprise, you have to get back up and finish out the race. Now, I've been preparing for the race for about 6 weeks, but there's nothing like race day. New environment, different altitude, the distraction of hundreds of other people around you. It was challenging but so enlightening. Not only was I proud, but I placed 4th in my age division. Beyond the metal, there was so much gratitude for the journey getting to the finish line.
Physical fitness is more than an important activity for health and aesthetics (if thats your focus). It is the most simple test of mental strength. You get to see what type of person you are when things get tough, when you want to quit or when you're finding it difficult to just to keep moving.
How you speak to yourself really determines your beliefs, your faith and how healthy your relationship with yourself is. Do you speak words of encouragement and affirmation? Do you speak words of defeat? Do you focus on the unknown fearing for or worrying about the worse?
How do you love on yourself in the quiet, lonely amd intimate moments with yourself? Are you gentle? Do you speak power into yourself like you would do another?
Tuesday is deemable as #transformationtuesday across social networks, so today I ask, how can your mind be transformed? How can your relationship with yourself be transformed?
Despite the fact that my race was challenging, I would absolutely do it again! There were so many times I wanted to walk but I chose not to. Even if I slowed my pace, I was not going to quit. I was so proud of myself, I decided I would run a half marathon in November.
"The true measure of a (wo) man is not where (s) he stands in times of comfort and convenience but where (s) he stands at times of challenge controversy"- MLK
Stand strong. Do something that takes you out of your comfort zone. Whether big or small, physical or not, test yourself!
BE Strong. BE Transformed~
By: Tiffany W.
It's a new week BEautiful BEings! All things new bring rejuvenation!
This week, go forth considering who you are and mindfully falling in love with yourself.
It's easy to get caught up in who we believe we are not and even, who we want to be like. What about just loving yourself for who you are and appreciating whoever your becoming on your journey?
Stay focused on yourself without:
1. Comparing yourself to others.
2. Pointing out others shortcomings and ignoring where you can grow.
BEing on your journey is about YOU and no one else. It's not about you taking to heart everything that others say about you (whether positive or negative). Its not about becoming greater to obtain something or to impress people. Its not about growing so you can look down upon people who are at different points in their journey than you. Your journey is about you becoming the best version of your self, reaching your highest potential, and being greater to add light to this world.
Connect with yourself. Honor yourself. Learn who you are: your likes/dislikes, your triggers, your unhealed wounds, the parts of you that you've been hiding, your passion, your purpose, your fears, your inspiration, your strengths and your opportunities for improvement.
People will tell you about yourself; what they feel you should be like and who they believe you are. People will praise you and give you credit for change and positivity. To a degree, it doesn't matter. We can use individuals around us as gages for where we are, but we must be careful because whatever someone speaks isn't an absolute truth. It's the truth as they see it, whether positive or negative.
Get connected to your spirit; to your higher self and look around at your life. Those are the best barometers to gage who you are.
By: Tiffany W.
The first commandment of self love is: Honor Thyself.
What does that mean? It means to accept, acknowledge, recognize and take with pride, everything that you are. What makes us who we are?Our choices, our thoughts, what we decide to be, our experiences, our beliefs, and whatever composes our mind, bodies and spirits. For some people it’s easier to focus on the parts of their being that seem untouched, un-phased, un-wounded. The other parts, are typically ignored or looked at with shame; the SCARS.
Scars are the result of healing. An imprinted reminder of a painful experience. They can also be a consequence of an incident that resulted in major change, whether natural or not. Scars can be seen and unseen. They can be physical or emotional.
Far too often women are ashamed of their scars and today I ask you, may you choose to Be Proud? Be Proud of your scars, whether physical or emotional. They tell a story and are a shadow of your beauty.
With an obsession for perfection, women are ashamed of stretch marks, acne scars, moles, facial birthmarks and bruises. Too ashamed to wear certain pieces of clothing for the fear of judgement, ridicule, or glances you may get from someone else. In the end, does it matter?
If you lost or gained weight, had a baby, have marks from conditions like chicken pox, or whatever else, that is YOUR experience and has nothing to do with anyone else. You had that experience and you know what, millions of other women around you have had the same experience. You are human, change happens, scars occur. Embrace them, and proudly include your scars in your story.
What about the scars no one can see, but you walk around with shame because of their occurrence? An abortion? Infertility? Trust, hurt or abandonment issues due to a relationship? Sexual assualt? Emotional or Psychological Abuse? Self-imposed disappointment? Do you realize how much extra weight you carry in your body because you resist as oppose to embrace these incidents? Embrace does not mean you are happy or joyful that these events happened to you, but you accept that they are a part of your journey and you can continue to live. In Christianity there is the notion that God will give you beauty for ashes. It’s a beautiful concept and life truth, that once you give up what you deem as dead, hurtful, ugly, or negative, life will be more beautiful. Your spirit will be more at ease. Your mind and body will release whatever you’ve been holding on to.
We as women let the invisible scars keep us away from love in platonic, familial or romantic relationships. We let them become barriers to walk in our purpose when in actuality, embracing and accepting these scars can bring us closer to our purpose. We let the scars keep us away from a life of abundance, opportunity and fullness. Release the fear. Release the shame. If you are reading this, you are still here. You are strong. Those scars are sign of healing. Once you’ve healed, you have to give yourself permission to be more, do more, love more, and think higher of yourself and what life can offer.
Your past experiences shape you, but they do not define you. You define who you are. Walking proudly with your scars allows you to live in a space of freedom. Walking proudly with your scars gives someone else the power to be free.
By: Tiffany W.
Anyone out there get caught up in the fantasies of their own perfect visions? Somehow you envision a day, a moment, an event, or an interaction to be a certain way, then life says, who do you think you are?
Some days can seem so heavenly and others, not so much. Some days you can seem so centered and other days, not so much. Somewhere in you lies the perfect storm of grace, peace, joy, love, rigidness, confusion, hurt and sorrow. Embrace it all. Just do and be your best at all times. Know that your best changes moment by moment and day by day. Even in the change, being blessed with centering thoughts or support systems who can lend words of encouragement, “It’s going to be ok,” “don’t worry” can make such a difference!
Every day and every moment looks different. Your mind, body and spirit are in a constant revolution. Some days feel better than others. Some days, YOU or I feel better than others. The day in and of itself is perfect. It in itself, is not good or bad; how we perceive it, how we react in differing moments, how we take advantage of it, is what changes. Stepping away from judgement and allowing ourselves to just embrace it all is a rather empowering stance and mindset to be in.
Change is a part of life.
That reflection in itself gives proof to the fact that nothing will always be the same. You won’t always be happy or sad. You won’t always win or lose. You won’t always feel great or less than. When you have challenging days or moments, consider what lessons you can pull from whatever is or is not going on. You can also consider how any time that seems advantageous or even disadvantageous has some aspect in which you can express gratitude.
Next time you’re in a rut, make sure to practice deep breathing, express affirmations that brighten your day, meditate on the thought that everything works out for me, smile, and know that whatever is going on, in the grander scheme of life, is temporary.
Embracing whatever your being is going through, is honoring yourself. Implementing a practice to help you get and stay centered is honoring your mind and spirit. Stay focused on your Commandments of Self Love™.
Every day and every moment is new! Embrace it!
By: Tiffany W.
Self Love is Free but the journey will cost you.
It will cost you releasing many of the limiting beliefs and stories you've held on to. You will have to give up seeing yourself as a victim. You will have to give up seeing yourself as the one the world does not like, want or appreciate. You will have to give up the ideas that you are deficient in beauty, depth, talent, intellect or capability. You will have to release the unforgiveness in your heart so you can learn what it really means to not judge yourself or others. You will have to release notions of unworthiness and lack.
Self Love is Free but the journey will cost you.
Often whenever, or if ever, someone hears the phrase self love, they tend to believe that it is limited to embracing how you look or even taking the time to be with one's self, but it goes so much deeper than that. On this journey you will become aware that much of what you thought about yourself may not serve you anymore. You may realize that the people you considered to be staples in your life, may not be supportive of who you are or who you want to be. You may realize that there is much for you to dig up within yourself to address and work on.
Self Love is Free but the journey will cost you.
Along the way, you will meet people who will be messengers. They will deliver conformational insight to guide on your path. They will be mirrors and thermostats needed to gage your growth. They will be people who touch the wounds that run deepest for you and thus pressure you to grow and expand. Yes, your self love journey isn't just about you. The Self Love is Free but the journey will cost you. It will cost you frustration, anger, pain, maybe sadness, disappointment and of course relationships.
Self Love is Free but the journey will cost you because Growth is Uncomfortable. In the midst of your growth, you will eventually learn that the essence of Self Love is acceptance. Acceptance of your self. Acceptance of those around you. acceptance of the growth you're experience. You will learn to accept, so that you don't operate out of resistance and feel like life is harder than what it really is.
Don't fret. Just be patient and kind with yourself. Never expect perfection. Even if you know what to do or how to think, accept that every moment of every day is different. Some days will seem, feel, and be better than others. Life's a journey. This love thing is a journey.
By: Tiffany Wright
In todays world, we are not short of expressed opinions and how to's when it comes to love and relationships. I'm quite sure the mothers and fathers of psychology would have never imagined that pop psychology would be a thing of the future in which individuals would be giving out advice left and right.
In my time of exploring what love and self love means, I always come back to the above definition. A definition that isn't necessarily singular because love cannot really be limited to one sentence as most words are. Even the great Greek philosophers had several categories of love ( brotherly, sexual passion, friendship, affection like those between parent and child).
The above explanation isn't even a definition, its an explanation of how it looks and how it feels. This is applicable for yourself and for others You may notice, that it is actual a scripture from the Holy Bible. Across spirit walks, love is similarly described as being inclusive of the above mentions . When you step back and consider what a healthy love looks like, it includes the above. When you consider the 5 Commandments of Self Love ( Honor Thyself, Honor thy Mind, Honor thy Body, Honor thy Spirit, and Forgiveness) they all support the above.
My challenge to you is to evaluate how you express love to yourself and others. Evaluate how those who say they love you express their love to you. It's easy to get wrapped up in the words, "I love you," but not really take into to consideration what that means or what that looks like. When you can be honest with yourself you can then make the proper adjustments. Maybe you have to work on patience or not holding grudges. Maybe someone around you throws wrongdoings in your face or downplays your dreams. Again, through reflection, you can make proper adjustments. Maybe those adjustments are working on yourself and apologizing to those who you could love differently. Maybe its removing or stepping back from some people in your life.
You're not obligated to remain the same or keep the same relationships in your life. Your self love journey is about honoring yourself but also considering all the ways you can honor yourself better and reflect that in the relationships around you.
We are all perfectly imperfect, but there is extreme gratifying power and freedom in owning who you are. Take yourself as you are, allowing your insight and actions to line up, and those who matter most will accept you for who you are and who you're striving to be.
Are you patient with yourself? Are you kind to yourself? Do constantly judge yourself based on your errors? Have you forgiven yourself for events or occurrences you've felt guilty of? Do you compare yourself to others? Do you honor the truth about yourself? Do you give up on yourself?
If you answered yes to any of the above, it looks like you have some more work to do BEautiful BEing! I know I sure do! It's a new month, a new week, and a new day to continue moving forward and step into the beauty of the possibilities.
By: Tiffany W.
“It is easy to believe we are each waves and forget we are also the ocean.” -Jon J. Muth
The majority of people believe that they are truly on the receiving end of what the world "gives" to them: their careers, spouses, and even how people treat them.
What a smaller fraction of people actually know and can attest to is that we are much more powerful than we believe. Not from a cliché sense of the notion, but actually powerful in terms of being a catalyst for action and not just a reactionary organism.
Within each of us is a guiding spirit to help us along the way of our journey. regardless of one's sense of spirituality, an universal wisdom across time and ways of life is that we are spiritual or at least energy encompassing beings with the power to bring out what we desire with our thoughts and vibrations.
So what does it mean? Your world and all that exists, which you may or may not like, is a reflection of your spirit and the energy you emit.
Ever find it a coincidence when you are thinking of someone they call or text you? Or what about when you "have a feeling" something is going to happen and it often does. Or what about if you were thinking of a song and you "happen" to hear it around you? These are not coincidences. There are no coincidences.
The fears that you often focus on, even continue to play out in your head subconsciously, often times manifest. The desires that you deeply wanted, believed in, and put forth effort in, manifest.
You have power and knowing that you have power is why it's so important to not only Honor Your Spirit but also follow the other commandments of Self Love: Honor Thyself, Honor thy Mind, Honor thy Body and Forgive. BE mindful of what you feed yourself, physically and spiritually. What people are allowing to sow into your spirit? What environments are you in?
People often think it doesn't matter, but who and what you're around matters. What you listen to and watch, matters. Any opportunity for your brain to receive information, affects and shapes it. Everyday, your brain is making new connection. Therefore its working to create a frame of reference for your thoughts and behaviors.
Feed your spirit what you want. Speak what you want. BElieve that you can attain what you want. Above all, keep this process to yourself. There are people who don't believe in their power, therefore they may not believe in your power. There are people who do not believe that "anything is possible" and they will unintentionally plant seeds of doubt in you.
Protect your spirit while declaring what you want. If you want a different life, than sit back and examine your thoughts. Listen through meditative silence what is running rapid through your mind.
Take time to your self. Become more connected with your spirit. Let it guide you and create the world that not only you desire but that serves your highest state of being and the those around you.
By: Tiffany W.
There's a whole lot that in occurs in our lives everyday. We`ve all had situations and circumstances that could have derailed our lives. We've been through major transitions that have brought about feelings of ambiguity, joy, sadness, excitement, and even disappointment. Despite all that, one thing that remains constant, is that change occurs, and we are present for it all. So when we can choose to respond and sit in feelings such as anger, sadness, doubt, distrust, or discontent, we can powerfully choose to live life staying full of love and hope.
What does that look like?
Well that is you staying in the moment and being still in the moment while choosing to balance not only your expectations but also how you choose to honor your self, mind, body,spirit, and stay in a place of forgiveness; you know, abiding by the 5 commandments of self love. See, love really has the power to transform life and all that you choose to see.
Think about it. If you've ever been in love or have known someone who's been in love, you know everything experienced is different. Love has an effect on how you smile, interact with others, and even what you truth you decide to see in life. Well, romantic love isn't the only love with life-changing impact. So is self love, and just a centrally spirited sense of love in general.
While others around you choose to worry about being good enough, the evils of the world, the amount of wealth accumulation they have (or for most of us, the amount of debt), and why it's a good reason to not trust others or believe there is even good left in this world, you can choose a different perspective. You can choose love and hope.
Yes there are inequalities, dangers, hurtful people, and many barriers that exist in the midst of a possible great life, but at the end of the day your attitude is the determining factor. Consider the perspective that there is a life of abundance, a life if love, a life of possibilities, a life in which you can make a difference, a life that you're worthy of attaining or at least going after.
Cutting your self off to the possibilities of life is not one reflective of choosing to honor your self, mind, body,or spirit. Self love is more intricate in living a great life than most people consider. So today, this week, every day and every week, work on choosing to activate a feeling, perspective and walk of love and hope. I guarantee life will not only feel better but it will be better.
By: Tiffany W.