August 8, 2019 marked one year since my mother passed. I gave myself intentional space of solitude from October 2018 to February 2019, to do as minimal as possible. I utilized my energy for work, rest, and self care activities. Self care included weekly and monthly involvement in dance, paint, therapy, life coaching, acupuncture, personal training and travel. In this time of stillness, I spent a lot of time in introspection. I allowed myself to feel the depth of my sorrow, and at times despair.
As a big believer in the therapeutic art of journaling, I constantly wrote about mental, emotional and spiritual experiences thru this time. It was necessary for me to constantly process what I was experiencing, in order to not be completely consumed by grief with an onset of depression on top of my normal depression experience.
As all types of fears, insecurities, and trauma based responses arose, I was intentional of asking myself, what can I learn from this? I was extremely emotionally fragile during this time, and I allowed myself the space and gave myself the permission to honor my emotional experience. I feel like most of what I will share can be applicable to anyone, but I must preface these reflections, by mentioning that much of the inner work I’ve done, has been centered on processing traumatic experiences, and relieving symptoms related to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. As a mental health practitioner and community healer, I have to constantly keep self care, self awareness, and wellness in the forefront of my life.
There’s many roles and responsibilities that I carry, and I take them all seriously. Self actualization and self love are very important to me, therefore as I’ve increasing became a more conscious and spiritually grounded person, challenging and removing anything that’s an internal or external that's a threat to my peace, freedom, or purpose, must be assessed.
So much has transpired in the last year, both externally and internally. I have grown immensely, releasing many unhealthy thought and behavior patterns, while also acquiring acceptance and courage in many ways that I found difficult before. In light of this growth, and in honor of the gift that loss brings, I wanted to share major lessons experienced since my mother passed.
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It has been over a year since I have posted a blog post on BE! While I won't divulge into a thousand updates on one post, I did want to share some news about what's to come.
Last March, I made a career shift, which occupied much of the mental space that I would typically use to write. The summer of 2018 was busy as I focused on my Coco Coalition events around the country. In August 2018, my mother passed, and of course, that was a big life event, which frankly lead to me pausing many of my projects.
From October 2018 to February 2019, I gave myself the permission to focus on what I needed to do, to have a healthy grief process. There is no "right" way to grieve, however, I do believe that there are instrumental steps to take so that grief does not evolve into an emotional experience that leads to maladaptive coping mechanisms. For myself, allowing myself to feel my emotions, be honest with those around me, rest, and challenge myself to participate in joy cultivating activities was extremely important.
My focus became self preservation. I was intentional about doing what I needed to do to sustain, and if possible, experience joy. I visited loved ones through travel, enrolled in my first love, dance, and tapped into my creative side by painting and coloring regularly. Boundaries were essential. Constantly processing emotions through journaling and therapy truly helped me through this time.
In so much reflection, I decided to implement some changes to BE. I'll be offering more reflective and personal development products, in order to continue supporting others on their journey of self love. I have a couple of journals and books on the way in September and October. BE will also be focused on providing resources that help others towards self love and overall wellness, so look forward to an expansion of the "Resource" tab.
I am excited to continue sharing what is going on, and creating content that empowers and heals.