Yesterday I was stuck on what exactly to express in my weekly "What We Cam Learn From" edition. It was going to be centered on ESPN' anchor Steven A. Smith, and the controversy around his comments of domestic violence and "provocation" initiated by women, but my spirit wasn't ready yet. Today, I thought, which woman would I honor in Throwback Thursday? I had no idea, but this morning I listened to a sermon on "Knowing Who You Are."
The importance of identity, purpose and the confidence in both is of the highest manifestation in self love. When you know what God has made you to be; when you know who you are as a spiritual BEing of purpose; when you know who you are as a woman. ..that is a powerful place to be in life. Over the course of the day, it came to me.
No other than Tina Turner. Her spirit of strength, vitatlity, transformation and confidence is the perfect woman to emanate self love on Throwback Thursday. Yes she is still alive, but the throwback is honor of her decision to walk away from all that didn't serve her and walk into a life worth living.
Tina Turner, born Ana Mae Bullock in 1939, is a singer, author, choreographer, dancer and actress who rose to musical fame between the 50's and 70's. Her powerful career was groomed and managed by her ex-husband and fellow singer Ike Turner. Ike not only wrote for, produced, and "discovered" Tina, but he also inflicted years of emotional, mental and physical abuse on her due to his personality and lifestyle. Much of their relationship is depicted in the film, What's Love Got To Do It. The title is based off a song written and performed by Tina after her divorce and choice to transform her spirituality and career.
Thru her pain, she found Buddhism and opened her consciousness to a higher purpose and state of BEing. Tina not only left Ike, but she went from performing r&b to feeling alive thru rock & roll. She was transparent about the violence inflicted on her, and even more transparent about how it helped her understand demanding what she wanted in life, and truly practicing self love. She moved to Switzerland with her lifetime partner, away from the hectic lifestyle that epitomized the US. After being together for over 20 years, they married last year, and she is a graceful 78 years young.
Her iconic song, What's Love Got To Do With It, is a very relevant lesson for the woman of today. Many millenial women have a "by the time I'm 30" deadline. They expect life, their career and marriage to be manifested by 30. Marriage for 20 somethings has to do with love and fantasy. But when fantasy and love fade, what's left? You have people who didn't (on average) spend time getting to know themselves or really what their values and intangible desires are. Women, who look for men to complete them and fulfill their childhood dreams by getting married. Now there are few couples who really have the maturity and spiritual understanding necessary to connect to the higher purpose and functioning of marriage, but most, not so much. The missing ingredient is self love, self knowlege, self worth, and confidence. This is the major lesson that Tina Turner's life symbolized.
Her life and transformation is an ideal example of the power of self love and living confidently. When you know who you are, what you deserve, and how beautiful life can be when you trust in yourself, you open a peaceful life of possibilities. You tap into an eternal flow of blessings. Of course this doesn't prevent negative life circumstances from happening, but you build the strength to be you and live your resiliently despite circumstances. There are people who provoke life to emit negative circumstances, but most people just receive what life gives out, not knowing what role they can play in preventing such circumstances. Life is not fair but it is responsive based on how we think and feel about it. Connect to who you are, your faith, your strengths, and everything around. BE mindful of who and what you let in. Don't shame others for their unhealthy or maladaptive choices. Live your life to the best you can!
Written By:Tiffany W.
Today young spirit bird, Willow Smith, released a song entitled 8. The song, title making reference to her numerology Life Path number, explores the importance of identity, security and confidence. It's a rather interesting topic to be sung by a 13 year old because most teens and even those "adults" up to their mid-twenties are more concerned with abiding by societal expectations rather than living as individuals.
When most songs nowadays are talking about bottles, twerkin, poppin, flippin, partying and living a careless yet "wealth inflated" lives, she's singing about one thinking twice before creating images on social media that are not indicative of your true lives; letting go of obsessions over materials things and learning the importance of understanding the truths of life.
I find the song to be potentially transformational for many. Whereas most entertainers feed the idea of projecting false images, this will hopefully plant a seed of enlightenment for those who listen to the song and grow to love it. A mental renewal is so necessary in our society. People are spending money to create images of themselves that do not exists. Women and men alike are investing in cosmetic surgery to satisfy ideas of perfection, when in actuality no matter how high or low your confidence is, your spirit is dead and you will continue to live a life of dissatisfaction.
Living your life for the mere attention of or pleasure of others leads to a lonely life. People will be attached to an image of you that does not exists, and this can in turn truly cause loneliness because you will get to a point of frustration when you cannot be yourself. Living a life to strive for perfection for the mere satisfaction of others is the antithesis of self love. Enjoy life. It's okay to love fashion, music, and the YOLO mentality, but the only truth that matters is that, which is reflected in your mind during silent times, when no is around; when silence forces you to reflect and answer to yourself.
True happiness and satisfaction starts with you; loving you and knowing you. Whether on social media or in real life, when you find yourself having second thoughts about just being authentic, ignore it. Just BE You. At the end of the day, there's power in who you are.
Written by: Tiffany W.
Happy Monday BEautiful BEings!
Set a strong mind focused on the greatness that you will you produce today and this week both in your professional and personal life. Make an effort to not be concerned with what others are doing because when you do, you lose focus of your own path. Striving to be better everyday is healthier than striving to be perfect because perfection is an indication that you are wrapped up in how others view you. Guess what, they'll talk if you fail, and they'll talk if you succeed. They'll comment that you are not good enough, and when you're better, they'll comment that you think you're too good. You must live to be your best, fulfill your purpose, give something back to the world and live happily. Living a life to please others leads you on a road of damnation. No matter who you manage, who looks up to you, or who you're trying to impress, perfection is unattainable. When we are open to the idea of perfection, we are not only more likely to judge ourselves but also others who don't fit such requirements in our heads, whether expressed or kept to ourselves.
Pushing ourselves and others to do and be better is one thing, but judging effort according to what we think should be is not objective, healthy, or a reflection of self love.
Life does not always happen how we want it, and just because thats the nature of things, when it seems like we fall short, we should not damn ourselves. Typically the stress and anxiety that's caused by a desire to be perfect comes from a place of pleasing others or proving others wrong. It can be rooted in the naysayers or doubters in your past or present. It could be rooted in the parent that neglected you. It could even be rooted in the woman or man that left you because of what you didn't have at the time of separation. Very often, it may be to uphold pride in honor of family, culture, community or another emotional cause. Just know that as you continue to excel, if perfectionism is the goal, you will never be satisfied with your life. In your career, relationships, aesthetics, spirituality, knowledge, parenting or whatever it may be, there is nothing more perfect than whatever exists at the moment. Striving to be better is measurable; striving to be perfect is unhealthy and a waste of energy, and for some, a waste of money.
Love yourself enough to know that you are enough at every moment, and if you just focus on becoming better or stronger at whatever you are focused on, that is enough.
Written by: Tiffany W.
Are you expected to be attached to someone at all times in your 20's? Whether you're dating, hooking up, or in a serious relationship, SHOULD you be connected to another being? Is it still considered abnormal to be completely unattached, even without expectation or desire of wanting to receive the attention of another?
These are thoughts that recently came to mine because of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine about dating and entertaining the company of males. I broke up with my ex of almost 3 years, nearly 8 months ago. To me what seems like yesterday, appeared to be a long time to my friend. Apparently, so long, she asked, "Well, what about just having "friends?" My response, " Girl, I don't need no new friends; no new friends" (in my Drake voice of course). She looked at me with these, "Come on girl!" eyes, and commented " there's nothing wrong with just friends." I was so anti the friend notion at that moment, "I said heck naw! Its not necessary. I have all the friends I need right now. I don't want no new male in my presence. Don't want to smell them. i don;t even care for a compliment or a random smile." Despite my reaction, our conversation had me thinking afterwards.
Why do I need new friends? I have male cousins and close friends that I have good healthy relationships with. The only extra male interaction I want right now is in the form of a professional mentourshi. I have been in long term relationships all of my 20's and this is the longest I've been single, and I'm completely enjoying it. The idea of flirtation, dating games, special outings, impressive gifts, and male energy is nothing that intrigues me at all. I want to love on me; pick myself up when I don't feel my best. Take myself out or workout alone when I need to get my spirit up.
Every BEing and thing on this Earth holds energy; and when we our constantly in contact with someone or something, we exchange energy with it. I am spending time releasing energy I've held on from multiple people, places and things. Is that okay? My life is in limbo and majorly re-shifting and I only want those who love me and have been supportive to lend their energy to me.
At one point in reflection, I thought to myself, "Am I repressively being bitter?" and the answer is no. I take back the notion of completely not wanting any new friends, but its all conditional. Clearly, I haven't been closed off to new female energy because naturally, I want to connect with and build relationships with empowering women.I don't want to entertain any "special friends." You know, the one that says he doesn't want to be in a relationship but wants to go on dates to assuage his loneliness. The guy who "just wants to meet people." Why? Haha. Between my friends online dating and dating app experiences, I have second handed experience with the desperation out there. People want to have people around to cope with their fear and discomfort of loneliness, to stroke their ego's, or to have random, exciting, spontaneous sex. None of which interests me. Yet. it would be okay to be open literally to just platonic friends because that's natural. If I wouldn't ex-nay female energy, there's no need to be selective of male energy.
I just believe that people have the choice and power to remain still in who they are without having to be attached to anything that can turn into a love interest. Anyone coming out of major long term relationships, should really take time to themselves to re-emerge to the world; re-align with their joys and just BE! When you are so in love with and comfortable with yourself, there is no need to seek the companionship of another. One of the most pivotal first steps in learning to BE in my own skin, was the first time I went to the movies by myself. I would go to the movies, on walks, and to eat by myself during my last year of college. When I moved to New York, I went to concerts, museums and more....all by myself! To be alone and know that you are not lonely is powerful. I am surrounded by love, but the most important love I can experience is that which I give myself.
BE comfortable with the silent times. Explore who you really are. Explore the relationships and experiences that add to the complexity of your BEing. Stay focused on what you want, who you want to be, and what you want to give to this world. This world is not meant to be lived alone, but consider the intention, power, and source of everyone you allow to enter, stay, and exit your life. There's nothing wrong with new friends, but it's ok to discern what type of "friends" you want,
BE secure in you and who you want to be. Surrounding ourselves with others allows us to learn about ourselves because those who we give time in our lives, are the greatest mirrors to who we are.
BE Still. BE Love. BE Secured. BE You~
Written by: Tiffany W.
How do you become someone better everyday?
Incorporate new. Go on new adventures. Meet new people. Listen to new music. Read a new book. Intake new information. Newness expands your mind. It establishes new neuron connections in your brain. This past week I've met some new people, and did some activities that were different and it was great. Operating in our little bubbles keeps us restricted to our understanding of ourselves and the world around us. When you meet someone new, learn something new, or have a new experience it presents a mirror to your understanding of the world and truth as you know it.
We all have a story. Every person, place, or thing on this Earth has a story, and when you learn or experience new stories, you become more connected to force that keeps us all connected. Feeling stuck, unmotivated, unmoved is like a spiritual alarm for awakening. Life is meant to be lived, but that doesn't mean you have to travel the world or climb the highest mountain, it coild be having a conversation with a stranger, or even a neighbor you don't know. Sometimes it could be having a conversation with someone you know, but focusing on a topic you never discuss. There's so much to be learned and experienced. BEing open to all those possibilities helps create the totality of our experiences.
What will you do new today?
Written by: Tiffany W.
One habit I have when I write is to sometimes leave pieces incomplete. Of course this can be aligned with my tendency to be inconsistent and lose concentration, but the "Present" and "Nonjudgmental " Tiffany would say, when I'm moved to share, it happens accordingly. When a piece is ready, I know, and this one had to be revisited because of a conversation today.The first part of this post was written during a meditation challenge. The second part, was written today.
Part.1 (Written May 15) One major lesson I've learned recently is the act of forgiveness. Not forgiveness of others, but self-forgiveness. Yesterday I listened in on Speaker and Life Coach Lisa Nichol's call "Power Week and Beyond" and the call's topic was centered around the statement, " Living between no longer and not yet." Such a powerful statement. Between that, my Deepak Chopra 21 Day Mediation challenge about finding security, peace and happiness within, and coming across the quote pictured today, I have stepped into and received a COMPLETE shift in relation to myself.
I WAS one of those people who wouldn't need the critique of another because I handled it with the discipline of at least plus 3 on my own. In the past, when I've done something that I wasn't really confident in, and experienced discomfort during and after the situation, I would let time pass and build up around rationalizing the role I played in the situation. I would look at the black and white, and totally ignore the grey, my emotional reality. It served me to protect my identity, strength, and distance to that person and situation, but I learned over time that distancing yourself from a person or situation, doesn't take away the pain. It doesn't help you process, and it actually just feeds the beast of living in resistance. In the long run, it's harder to walk away from pain because its roots will find you, and some times lead you to regretting its source, but there's peace in coming to terms with it.
Love and pain drive you to grow as an individual. All opposing forces serve their purpose, for we would not be able to recognize, acknowledge or appreciate one without the other. To love yourself and others, allows you to live a life of freedom, gratitude, reciprocity, and abundance. To experience the pain from loss of love, whether in a relationship or physical, can bring about a different transformation. Often pain may occur, and we decide to not feel it. Its' only by means of the "what goes up, must come down" law, that no matter what we do to resist our emotions, they will emerge if we spent so much energy suppressing them. The reality is, you cannot escape the truth. Hurt, dishonesty, dysfunction, treachery, betrayal, disappointment, hopelessness, etc.... All the feelings you felt in the moment of a situation, which you manage to expeditiously suppress, will eventually emerge. The reality is, we must live our truths, even if pain exists in them. When you can accept a situation, and process the source of your pain, you can find peace. In that peace you can walk with confidence, embracing every aspect of your journey. That's how you find peace in pain. It will be difficult, and may take time for you to realize how you played a role, how this pain is repeated throughout your life, how you were an unfortunate victim, or even that unwanted change is a part of life. In all of the pain, you become a stronger person. There is another brick added to the foundation of your being. When you can take a step back, and examine what you've been thru, and who you've become, you can selectively find pride and peace in who you are.
The benefit of finding peace in pain comes when you can touch another with your experience. We build strong connections when common experiences are shared between one another. For myself, I know sharing is a tried and true purpose-driven gift. There is something powerful about sharing a lesson and an overcome pain with another. It unlocks power and peace for both of us; knowing that we are not alone. I spoke with a friend, sister, and mentee today about my experience and journey of self love thru the body, sexuality, and sexual assault. She had no idea about my experiences, and began to cry because they paralleled her own experiences. I recently came to peace with how my experience of sexual assault, and early understandings the power of y body and sexuality affected relationships and my choices or lack thereof due to fear and vulnerability. Finding peace in that pain allowed me to touch another life, and expand a layer of being, thus expanding my mindfulness around my purpose on this Earth.
Take a step back, and examine what you've been thru, and who you've become, you can selectively find pride and peace in who you are. Think, reflect and write on pains that have been unresolved. Learn to find peace, and radiate to the level that you should be resonating on.
Greetings Beautiful Beings!
I've been so focus on working on my book and getting the message of BE! out to the public, that I forgot to share with you a beautiful blessing that came my way! Creator of the site www.womenmovethesoul.com Tomaca, personally reached out to me for an interview, The interview had some great questions, and even helped me put some pieces of my own life and purpose together! Check it out ---> Women Move the Soul
It's amazing how the introspection of another BEing can truly help you dig deep and become more mindful of who you are. They say the best way to test your knowledge, is to teach someone else. Well I also believe the best way to learn about yourself, and is pay attention to the stories you share or don't share with others. There is value in the exchange of stories. You give a piece of yourself, and when you can be authentic, it will surely touch someone and shine light. I know the vision God has put in my spirit for BE! a message of self love could never go out of style, be over saturated, or irrelevant. This world, our generation and those to come are proof that self love is lacking. Therefore any opportunity I can share my story or the mission of BE! I find that platform to be a blessing. Nothing is too small because I never know where the message will land. BE Epowered is all about the brand of BE! and media; the blog, social media, YouTube, and one day tv and radio. None of this is about me, but I'm thankful to BE one of the many vessels of what a journey of self love looks like.
Do you remember being a young girl and ever feeling envious or being envied by other girls? Whether it was for friends, a lunchpale, an outfit, or even a boy, there is something about not being friendly with othet girls that seems to be promoted. Fast forward to teenage years, girls want each others boy friends, want to be the cutest, most popular, or best athlete. I get that some people are competitive but female competition has a different dynamic. In adulthood you realize how self serving most people are, but especially women. Women will bash, demean and disrespect other women before a man. They will point to another woman as a problem before a man. They will even feel more threatened by another woman...for no reason.Why? Do women feel that we have that much power to not uplift one another and stick together? Do they realize that 1 in 4 women have been sexually assaulted before the age of 25...so maybe that woman you demean is a "hoe" or "thot" for a reason? Do they realize that we are more than 50% of the population but make up 5.8% of the CEOs of Fortune 1000 companies and badgering a woman about her career vs. family aspirations does not help? Do they realize that bashing any woman's business is defeating because more than half of businesses started by women fail within their 1st 3 years?
Even though women birth BEings. Even though they are the majority of teachers and nurses caring for our population. Even though research shows there's a relationship between the number of females educated and the financial stability/ economic growth in a country. Even though we know, whether by hurt or love, women are the main motivation for men...we give up the power that we truly have the potential to possess because when we don't stick together, uplift or support one another.
I'm so excited for the next BE Experience on August 23rd entitled, Love Uplifts Love. We will be talking about the main ingredient that motivates or prevents us from empowering and supporting other women, self love! I know we are going to have women from all backgrounds, and I hope you spread the word and bring someone out!
You can get tickets at www.livethebelife.com
Written by: Tiffany W.
What can we learn from Claire Leeson?
BEauty is not only in the eye of the beholder but it's also uncomfortably perfected in the mind of spectators. BE is all about self love and choosing relevant stories in pop culture that teach the importance of self love are extremely easy to come by. Today, we can take a lesson from the BEautiful BEing that is in the picture....She has made headlines this week for spending $30,000 on cosmetic procedures and enhancements to look like Kim Kardashian. Claire Leeson said that she struggled with confidence but admired everything about Kim, and figured if she could look like her, she would feel better about herself.
We all want to feel comfortable in our skin. We want to feel comfortable in our clothes. We want to look at ourselves in the mirror and believe we are beautiful. Every one is entitled to such reflections but they don't necessarily connect to such realities.
Beauty and perfection are not new concepts. From an evolutionary standpoint beauty is parallel to a trait that allows a species to survive. Beautiful people are often granted opportunities others wouldnt be. Beauty fosters a general purpose, mating and reproduction . There is an actual science to beauty, but what happens when people are obsessed with manipulating science to become more beautiful?
Nowadays one can practically restructure their entire body. Whatever you choose to do, to be happy, by all means its your life and you are granted that freedom. I just want to provide some ideas. The interesting idea floating around is that the concept of happiness is a result of external choices, when in fact you realize at some point its a purely intrinsic, mental, and physiological driven process. For most people, I believe happiness is a choice, but as someone with a background in mental health, and with personal experience with depression, there are true chemical imbalances that no positive thinking can overcome. This is also why I understand self love, self esteem, and self image for some, are 3 very challenging concepts, but I want to offer some insight.
When over judging how beautiful or perfect you are, consider the following:
1. You didn't ask to be born, nor did you have power to request your physical features
Taking into consideration that you are able to practice good hygiene, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and manage stress, you appear how nature intended. Your height, eye color, width, color, and natural build is not wrong or right, it is what it is. Learn to accept that nothing can be wrong with a thing if that is its' nature. How can a red rose be mad it's not a yellow rose...that's what nature intended for it to be. What happens around you, what you take personal, and what you let get to you to influence how positively or negatively you view yourself, is your choice.
2. Health, wellness and hygiene will make a difference.
When you feel your best on the inside, what you look like doesnt matter. Your love and confidence is a direct reflection of how you feel. Live food like fruits and veggies give you energy, mental clarity, and keep you going. When you have alertness you're more likely to work out. Working out produces endorphins, or " happy chemicals" in your body. You're more
likely to be positive and stay in route to doing things that make you feel better. Food and exercise also help manage stress, which can take a physical toll on your body on the outside and inside. Your diet and hygenie also affect your skin, which is a major area of concern for people
3. Self Love is the outcome of a cycle.
When you know you're taking care of yourself and living your best life, you love yourself more. When you're doing positive things, thinking positively, and are around positive people, you feel better about yourself and see beauty as an intangible force.
4. Few people look perfect
Consider this. If Kim K didn't have botox, breast implants, and the extensive diet and fitness regiment she does...she'd look a whole lot different. Someone spent $30,000 on an image that doesn't even exist! She's not the only one. Numersous shows on TV show us how often non-celebrities go under the knife to look like the people they admire. Again there's nothing wrong with shooting to look your best but consider what the journey involves, and how it affects your idea of yourself, in your most natural form. Even everyday women who don't get cosmetic procedures obsess over idolizing other's perfect bodies. Wake up...people sculp their bodies with exercise. 6 packs, flat tummies, sculpted butts, thighs and arms...don't exist without effort and continuous effort. It's not natural, it's effort. Even myself, I have a natural athletic build, but if I don't work out at least 20minutes a day 3× a week, keep low stress, and really manage food, I blow up really easily. There are people who don't need to exercise for aesthetics, and that's very few people. Most of us need to do it for health, and if we want to maintain certain shapes but again, it's effort. You love others looks...enhanced looks. Not their natural selves. How they look after being done up or edited in print. Don't obsess over what is not real. Open your minds.
Think twice before praising what seems like the celestial beauty of another whether its face or body. It really is the soul, spirt and heart that shines thru our eyes, reflects in our actions, and radiates in our presence that really makes us "attractive". It's the confidence, strength, peace, and love of people that make them seemingly more beautiful. It's their aura...something completely unduplicatable by procedure or application.
Written by: Tiffany W.
Worrying is one of the most wasteful uses of mental and emotional energy one can expend. Think about it...how does it really serve you? Does it make you feel better? Do you think it actually changes the outcomes of whatever you're worrying about. If anything, it ignites fear, doubt, and unnecessary stress.
One of my favorite scriptures, Matthew 6:27, " And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" Worrying adds no time to our lives, but in fact, takes away the ability to BE Present. It takes away the ability to appreciate life, live in gratitude no matter, and love ourselves, those around us and the world, no matter what.
Most recently, I've experienced how worrying can absolutely just shut you down. You may feel helpless, or confused, and just so anxious, you do nothing. Worrying leading to feeling immobilized is so real, and even when you're cognizant of it, it's amazing to realize how powerful our minds are. It's absolutely so much more easier said than, but when you worry think about taking on these steps.
1. DEEP BREATHING
In the realm of everyday living and stress management, people really underestimate deep breathing. Our bodies are made up of trillion of cells, and all cells need oxygen to thrive. Therefore your breathe is what runs everything in your body. Taking a deep breathe in which inhale SLOWLY for seconds, and exhale SLOWLY for 10 seconds will absolutely re-set your body's response to a stressful situation
2. Repeat Affirmations
Depending on the situation, it's really the thoughts we have around the situation that keeps worrying.
If it's a matter in which skill or knowledge is involved, repeat, "I did my best, and whatever happens, happens." When the situation involves you, there's only so much you can do, then you just have to have faith.
If it's something or someone you owe, and you are the cause of worry, be honest and take responsibility for your actions. Speak to yourself, " I have made decisions that I must live with, but whatever the consequences, I'll do my best, and learn from my choices."
If the source of worry is another person remember, "I can only control myself. I relinquish any idea of control over another, and I wish them the best."
Sometimes the worry comes from fear of loss or the ego's acceptance of loss (status, material items, etc. ). In such cases, concentrate on at least 10 things, situations, people, etc, that you are grateful for. When we can focus on the positive, it shifts our energies and level of anxiety, stress or worry
4. Remember...EVERYTHING WILL PASS. NOTHING IS PERMANENT.
You will be ok. Life will be ok. Choose what you will give your power to.
Written By: Tiffany W