A LETTER TO LADIES WORRIED ABOUT LOVE & THE FUTURE

Dear Ladies in Your 20's,

 I know you are dealing with so much on your plates, and sometimes you really wonder about what your future will be and if you will ever have the family or life you really want. Many of you are having major identity crisis. You don't know whether to rely on your millennial focused magazine to tell you about the hottest trends, how to get abs in 7 days, what low calorie snacks to eat, and how to be sexier; or to believe everything you see about all the seemingly happy friends, associates, whatever folks and celebrities on blogs and social media. You have to deal with the complexities of dating because of social media, dating apps and the gazillion dating websites interrupting our natural flow of meeting others. If you live in a big city, it either seems that the good ones are taken, you can't find them, or you realize you're so broken, all you do is attract other broken partners. Even though you know this isn't the 40's and you don't have to have a life centered around family, sometimes the friends, outings, travel, and Ms. Independent lifestyle leave you kind of longing for simpler times.

Most of you imagine by 21 that you would be married by 30. Some of you reading this, may already be married. If not, you sometimes realize that you are knocking at 30's door, and you're feeling like, "what if it never happens for me." The summer just ended and I'm sure you had to see at least 1 new engagement, wedding, pregnancy announcement, or birth per month if not week. I know you felt happy, but sometimes envious because you thought, when is my special someone going to be here?

Guess what, it's ok, the world is not over, and 30 is still young and tender compared to the normal life expectancy rate nowadays. If your not putting the pressure on yourself, then I'm sure you are starting to get the questions from your older family members about when you're getting married and popping out babies. Before you get irritated or offended by them questioning you, quietly analyze all the marriages in your family; that'll make you feel better. Hey guess what, it's ok.

Please release and ignore pressure to get married
A. ASAP 
B. As soon as you finish your education
C. By 30

There's no need to rob yourself of appreciating the present because of your obsession with the future. Do you think its better to be in a state of desperation and make such life altering decisions? or to be secured in life, and welcoming that flow of transition in to your life?

Let me have some truth moments with you.  

Take necessary time to learn and love your self. Don't fret about those around you starting families. Everyone's journey is different. Ask anyone older than you. Refer to a Development Psychology book. Your 20's is truly a time of exploration. You are learning about yourself, and starting to see the world from a new perspective. By your late 20's you are either really starting to transition in your career, or repairing the damage done in your early 20's. Because the US has such a high number of College educated women, more than likely you are in, just finished, or may be thinking about pursuing higher education. Have you been able to travel yet? Are you comfortable going out alone? Do you feel empty without a partner? Have you worked on healing wounds most likely caused by your parents, closest friends and past lovers? Guess what, you have some work to do.

See the tradition has been that overly-eager, dress-ring-lifestyle obsessed, "I-want-to-have-the-family-I never-had," "we've-been-together-so-long-it's time", "I-believe-in-tradition" younger women get married to "men" who kind of have a clue about life. These men and these women, live, love and learn for so long, then they often get to a point in which they are unhappy, unfulfilled, in need of extra stimulation, and in search for something more. They begin to search for what they should have been searching for while single in their 20's but they handed it over for an ideal that seem all to ideal. They often become broken unhappy and undeveloped parents who don't properly nurture their children who grow up to be broken, insecure, and undeveloped adults, looking for love to cure their life. Then we have another generation of high divorce rates and unhappy people. 
Truth be told, anyone can get married, but not everyone stays married. Most couples who get married in their 20's are divorced by 45 merely because of internal transformations. They change, and 50% of them get divorced. The other half, stay together, but not always happily.  

Guess what lady, we are more than that. It's 2014 and more than ever, a culture of mindfulness, wellness, and optimal living is around us. Take advantage of that and become a woman of higher mind, body and spirit, so that by the time you do have an opportunity to wed, you will be a Whole BEing connecting with another Whole BEing. 

This is not to say marriage is not good, nor that people who do get married in their 20's will definitely break up, but I just want you to know that you are ok. You are not losing out on life because you are not married. Right now you have 100% of you and when you get married, you will have to give 50% of that up. Fall in love with yourself and life and all things will come accordingly. If in actuality you are ready, be the person you want to attract. think carefully about the enriching qualities your partner will have. Live a life full of light.

Sincerely,
A Realistic Romantic Millennial